walls are all around me, closing in to a claustrophobic space. down drops happy people, dancing cheering and stomping on me. My ribs cracks, I get no air and there is no where to run or hide My mouth makes no sounds silent scream, its inside it makes no imprint on the outside, they can not hear me I am overdue, long overdue I got the ticket here, I had it all this time I just waited for the right time I have been foolish death can be at my command just like that And I don't have to wait -- The string from me to my family and friends keeps me in this world. Why oh why are we connected? I dare not live still I refuse to let you suffer for my fear so I suffer silently instead every day until I can find a way to let go easy until my body carry me no more disgraceful total defeat the pain carried on to the once I truly love and respect I can not live and I can not die! What the fuck do I do? why do I have to be a martyr? why must I live?