I am fighting my suicide urge!

Discussion in 'Strategies for Success' started by Amage, May 5, 2016.

  1. Amage

    Amage Member

    Feeling angry makes me feel alive. It validates that I have been wronged. Anger inspires me to accomplish and rids me of my emotional self-flagellation. When I am angry, I put blame on the rightful owner. When I am not angry, I blame myself and feel depressed.

    The academic tenure system has to go. Those f'king bully bitches with tenure come after me, but not only me, they are after anyone they consider a threat. They expect us not to fight back because we want tenure. It takes a f'king 6 years to get tenure. That is too long for anyone with a working brain in their head to wait.

    Regarding my school . . . For 30 years, 3 f'king decades, employees have been complaining about the same departmental bullies and the deans do absolutely nothing but blame the victim. I am seeing a therapist who has been in practice for 30 years and who has met with staff, faculty, administrators and community folk who have had problems with the same bullies. The dean should be fired along with the bullies.

    When I am angry, I want to live.

    This feels good.
    Thauoy likes this.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Get it all out of your system! It's good to get your strong emotions out, especially as you say, towards the right things.

    Hope it works for you, and sorry the system is such a mess!
    Amage likes this.
  3. islandification

    islandification Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean about anger. Sometimes I think about leaving the world but think why should I let them win? but anger burns you out soon if that's all you have and just ends up in despair.
    I have a friend on a college faculty who feels exploited by the whole system. teaches many classes, some with huge numbers of students and get paid very little for the amount of work it all takes.
    Thauoy and Amage like this.
  4. Amage

    Amage Member

    Yes, islandiication, this is where academia is headed. Who suffers? The students, society, the faculty.
  5. Amage

    Amage Member

    I am not angry today, which is never a good thing. If I am not angry, I am very depressed, feeling sorry for myself, thinking about the best way to kill myself so that my tormentors are forever tormented . . . Actually, I am starting to feel a little anger, like a spark hoping to ignite into a flame that will keep me alive for another day. Anger is good for me.
    Thauoy likes this.
  6. Papiyon

    Papiyon New Member

    Hi Amber it sound like you are experiencing alot. I hope today is a better day. Is there someone that you can confide in? Or maybe see a counselor? Depression and anger doesn't go away unless it is addressed. Maybe if you have someone to help you through this then you can feel better. I hope this has helped.
  7. con_101

    con_101 Member

    Hi i'm new on here and just thought i'd recommend something that helps me when i'm down and my mind is in overdrive. If you search for Michael sealey on youtube he has a lot of helpful videos. I would post the link but i think it may get flagged as spam. Keep going
    MinnBiker likes this.
  8. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

  9. Thauoy

    Thauoy Well-Known Member

  10. Lucy0

    Lucy0 Active Member

    Good for you! Yes, people in charge can definitely love to abuse power and control. It's a shame they're allowed to bully constantly.
    Thauoy likes this.