I am filth.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AshleyyMariee, Jul 18, 2011.

  1. AshleyyMariee

    AshleyyMariee New Member

    I am 18 years old and I failed out of high school. I didn't drop out, I failed out. My boyfriend seems to never take anything I say seriously, which means he does whatever he wants and he can simply sweet talk me out of being upset about it. When I was 15 years old I tried to kill myself, failed attempt of course and ended up in a mental hospital for 4 weeks. I am now the example in the family as the fuck up. It's always 'now you know want to end up like your cousin/sister ashley do you?' I am a complete waste of oxygen and shouldn't be alive anymore. I used to cutt myself but they keep checking me for scars so I sometimes force myself to throw up. Just like I did right before I wrote this post. Don't tell me to go back to the mental hospital or to search for help because it is no where to be found. Nobody takes me seriously when I tell them how I truly feel. They think I'm a joke or just trying to get attention. I've practically begged for help and nobody even wants to hear it. They think its a joke. I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to be alive either. If I am even alive. I feel like im dead inside. But I can't be dead because the dead don't feel the pain I am feeling. I sit in my room all day and cry. My eyes are swollen and my body is weak. I have no one to help, I have no one that cares. I'm a fuck up, and I don't know what to do now.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOU are not filth okay you are ill and with right meds and therapy you can heal you can start living life YOU want i know how it is to not be heard to not be taken seriiouslly it hurt i know. YOu have to keep fighting okay It only takes one doctor that truly cares to change things around for you. You find a new doctor a new team that does listen Your family are cruel one day you can move away from them too start a new life There is help hun but you have to find it search for a doctor that does care okay You can let go of all that pain here okay let all the sadness the words out here People care here you are heard okay and i do understand i fought for years to get help for my daughter now i have it there is hope. Please you are worth that fight hun change doctors okay therapist until you get someone that does take you seriously hugs
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Ashley, Welcome to the forums...Why don't you call the hospital and ask for someone in mental health.. Ask them if there are any free groups on depression.. My hospital has group therapy once a week..Your in there with other people suffering from alot of what you are..Give it a try..
  4. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    If the hospital didnt help ,could you try an impartial gp ?
    You have to keep trying till someone helps you.you are not filth.ignore their comnents.you are still so young you have your whole life ahead of you.
  5. AshleyyMariee

    AshleyyMariee New Member

    I have tried tons of doctors and none ever care. I've been on many types of medication and none of them work. All the doctors I have been to are pill pushers. I don't want drugs. I want to mentally feel happy without them. idk what else to do. i dont want to give up but it is hard to see light when i am at the bottom of the gutter.
  6. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    yeah thats true bout the pill pushing .However I would never have been able to get out of hospital if I hadnt agreed to give in and take the stuff.
    You just have to trust someone to help you cos if you dont and carry on this way ,you might not be alive.
    Just try and take something and after a while you can come off it .Just to get you through this time.you are not weak for needing help.Plus the word filth is a terrible word.I would only use that for people who rape kids .Please dont refer to yourself in this manner.