I am 18 years old and I failed out of high school. I didn't drop out, I failed out. My boyfriend seems to never take anything I say seriously, which means he does whatever he wants and he can simply sweet talk me out of being upset about it. When I was 15 years old I tried to kill myself, failed attempt of course and ended up in a mental hospital for 4 weeks. I am now the example in the family as the fuck up. It's always 'now you know want to end up like your cousin/sister ashley do you?' I am a complete waste of oxygen and shouldn't be alive anymore. I used to cutt myself but they keep checking me for scars so I sometimes force myself to throw up. Just like I did right before I wrote this post. Don't tell me to go back to the mental hospital or to search for help because it is no where to be found. Nobody takes me seriously when I tell them how I truly feel. They think I'm a joke or just trying to get attention. I've practically begged for help and nobody even wants to hear it. They think its a joke. I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to be alive either. If I am even alive. I feel like im dead inside. But I can't be dead because the dead don't feel the pain I am feeling. I sit in my room all day and cry. My eyes are swollen and my body is weak. I have no one to help, I have no one that cares. I'm a fuck up, and I don't know what to do now.