Tuesday is see Urology and I want to ask them to change their approach to my cancer treatment. If they leave it the way it is - it is going to kill me. But I am so afraid of any dealings with doctors and their staffs. I have been treated so badly , so many times. So as I sit here and go over and over my thoughts about this - I am becoming more and more suicidal. I cannot put this down; it is obsessing me so. I think the doctor will just say no to me and that will be the end of it for me. I cannot allow him to do that. I am so frightened.