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I am frightened

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadcat, Jul 6, 2012.

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  1. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Tuesday is see Urology and I want to ask them to change their approach to my cancer treatment.
    If they leave it the way it is - it is going to kill me.
    But I am so afraid of any dealings with doctors and their staffs. I have been treated so badly , so many times.

    So as I sit here and go over and over my thoughts about this - I am becoming more and more suicidal.
    I cannot put this down; it is obsessing me so.
    I think the doctor will just say no to me and that will be the end of it for me.

    I cannot allow him to do that.
    I am so frightened.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok firstly, write down exactly what it is you want to say, that way you won't end up tied in knots.

    Now I don't know where you are, but if in Britain, then phone the Macmillan nurses immediately.

    If not in the UK, do you have an advocacy service?
    An advocat will speak for you and be on your side, something you need badly at the moment.
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Sadcat - I am sorry, so sorry. It is very understandable that you are so frightened. Terry stated a UK site, if you are in the US - try www.cancercare.org. You can contact them to talk and obtain info that would be helpful for you. Please try to distract a little, is there anyone you can sit with/talk to in person to help for a little while? Can you change the lcoation where you get your cancer treatment? Do they have social workers on staff you can talk with?

    I know it is so very hard for you. PM me if you need a sounding board or similar. And take care of yourself, you've come this far with a very scary situation, so be proud of yourself.

  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I can't add much to the amazing advice that's already been given. But you've made it so far, and that's something you should be proud of. I hope you're able to either convince your doctors to listen to you, or find new ones that will, because you deserve to be heard. Here if you ever feel like talking.
  5. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    I do not even know what an advocacy service is.
    Never heard of such a thing.
    But I will write everything down and try to present it as best I am able.
    Oh I think I do understand what an advocate may be form Mo’s comments, which followed your comments.

    Will try to reach cancer care.
    May contact you too.
    Did get some writing help from Gilda’s club “Open to options” assistance approach. And I will go back to them Monday to try to get an update on the help.
    Gilda’s is a part of the Cancer support community.

    Wild Cherry:
    Cannot change doctors at this point . Am way too sick to even attempt it.
    My heart is also failing pretty badly.

    All of you :
    Thanks so much for the thoughts. They really mean a lot to me.
    Will contact people who helped me some already, for more help. Cannot hurt.

    Need to tell you: the meds I am taking for the cancer is a big cause of my being so suicidal. Also take at least one other med which causes suicidal ideations. Cannot stop the meds.
    And will be asking the doctor to increase considerably my cancer meds – so I amy be here tomorrow (not a specific date) for more help from suicide next.

    I do have a fall-back request to ask from the doctor but it entails even more medicine and much worse side effects. Am sure that will cause me some serious suicidal and emotional issues. May add a request for an anxiety med to be taken with the additional cancer meds approach.

    Thanks, sadcat
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    When my dad was having chemo they put him on Amitriptyline, this helped him sleep and aided with mood/depression.
    Apparently it helped with the nausea as well.

    Hope all go's well at your appointment and know you are not alone.
  7. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    Still working on my presentation, but it does seem to be coming together for me some.

    hugs to you all , including Terry.
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