I am going to die

[AngelofPainandMisery]

I have chosen to die.
Now that I made that decision it feels nice. I don't have to worry about the future and I don't have to worry about trying to live in this terrible world. I don't have to deal with the news or the emails in my inbox or worry about how I'm going to live. I don't have to deal with the loneliness or the constant anxiety or waste any more money trying to fix things that can't be fixed. I won't be disappointing anyone anymore or I won't have to deal with people I won't have to waste my life doing things I don't want to do. I won't be wasting any more resources or harming the planet anymore.
I made this decision out of logical reasoning, not emotion like my many, many, many other attempts which is why they failed.
I like this feeling of nothing, nothing to worry about, nothing to plan for, nothing look forward to. Just nothing. I have no qualms about doing this, I know all resources have been exhausted, I know I cannot face either living on the street or in a state hospital, I cannot face school or living at home. But I don't have to anymore.

 

[Lara_C]

Hi, @AngelofPainandMisery,

You don't have to read the news or emails, or spend your life doing things you don't want to do. If you don't fear death, then you can stop worrying about the future, but you don't have to die. If you choose to live, you can look beyond the bad things and tune into the beauty and goodness that is also present in the world, be the person you want to be, and form meaningful relationships with others. You can be free and live as well.

 

[dugga]

Hi @AngelofPainandMisery - I'm really sorry you're thinking like this. I was exactly where you are a year ago and life can change in an instant. I'm not saying anything good has happened in the last year, far from it... but I'm sticking around to see how this story ends. I think you should do the same my friend... I know we all have choices and life is full of possibilities, you never know what is around the corner.

 

[Walker]

Hi there, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I do understand how the ideal of dying is appealing when you factor in not having to worry about relationships with people or bills or whether your car is going to break down. There *is* something that sounds good about that but there are also things you're missing out on - can you stop to look at those at all? Or the way you're going to make others in your life feel after you're gone after something so tragic? I know you can't live to please other people but I hope you find a change of heart. There are things out here to live for if you can get clear-headed enough to look at them.

 

[AngelofPainandMisery]

I've been like this for seven and a half years, suicidal and progressive mental illness that continues to become worse. I cannot work so I have to live at home with an emotionally abusive parent who as no intention of trying to understand the things I have been diagnosed with, I have no friends and am not able to form friendships because of trust issues, so I have nowhere to go unless I decide to become homeless. I have been institutionalized multiple times been on dozens of meds and done many different therapies.
Anyways, I have no desire to live on such a planet as this from the things I know and that things are only getting worse. The things I want to do in life are not things that hold value in a capitalist society. My life has been filled with abuse and I doubt that will ever change, things do not go well in my life they never have, I've missed out on a lot of life and I don't think I should care anymore, the things that should have been good were made bad. The only people that "care" have known about these problems for many years, particularly my parents who think I'm just faking at this point. I was given life without I choice I'm choosing to take it back. I spent the last two years trying to get better, I did whatever was asked of me in the different treatment centers I was at, nothing has made a lasting change and my life continues to get worse, the mental health care where I live is crap. College starts for me in the fall, I already took a year off and I know I cannot deal with the social pressure and I will end up wasting my parent's money, either by failing classes or dropping out from mental health issues. I know I can't be fixed and I am alone it this. Like I said above, my choices are homelessness, a state hospital, or death.

 

[Lara_C]

Like I said above, my choices are homelessness, a state hospital, or death.

You should not have to live in an abusive situation. Have you looked into alternative housing options, like supported accommodation? This site gives information about resources that may be available http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/housing

 

[AngelofPainandMisery]

You should not have to live in an abusive situation. Have you looked into alternative housing options, like supported accommodation? This site gives information about resources that may be available http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/housing

My psychiatrist is currently looking into alt housing, so far it's not looking good. But thank you.

 

[MMB]

We all have choices to make. Simply said, we have a choice between belief or doubt. When we choose to believe we act on the belief we have something to contribute to society, we do have purpose in life, and we choose to find out what that is. When we doubt, we don’t move forward. We have chosen the easy way out and doubt we have anything to contribute, doubt we have a purpose in life, and without much effort we give in to this mindset.

Although the choice is ours to make, we must consider wisely between the two. Ultimately, the choice is life or death. So please don’t choose the easy way out. Life will be meaningful when you choose to believe in it. Choosing to believe is a wise choice. Life is living loved while loving others. Here's something to believe in: You are loved!