On drugs*** rather. Sorry for typo. He goes to therapy and gets drug tested once a week. I had the mindset that I could be there when they tell him the results or that he will bring some type of proof (a paper or whatever) signed or stamped by one of the staff to prove his results. He apparently thought that he would just come home and tell me "oh yeah it was clean" and for his word to be enough. I don't fucking think so. Not after all the times he's lied to me. I need proof. And if I don't get proof I can and will do some significant/permanent damage to myself with. I am not going to live this way anymore, not knowing whether or not he's on heroin. And since I can't leave him (I've tried and failed at that multiple times already) I swear I am going to attempt suicide if this problem doesn't somehow get fixed. Today I just got high because I am furious and had a fit and went walking to calm down. Tomorrow, if this shit continues, I am ending my pathetic, miserable life.