Hi, Katt,
I completely understand. Talking to others is extremely difficult for me no matter what or who anybody is. I understand wanting to be alone, and being/feeling stuck.. I understand about stepping back from life..
I am writing because I am concerned about you. I know you have to do what you think is or feels best to you. I am reaching out to you to let you know that I am glad that you are here.. I am glad that you are talking to us and I am glad that you are being honest with us. You will be greatly missed.. and just know that we are always here for you.. no matter what. We/I do not judge anybody but accept everyone here where they are at.. I can't speak for everyone here, but for the most part, I know that is why most of us are here.. because we hurt.. we have been there, we understand.. we care deeply about anybody who comes here and finds us here..
For me, I won't accept anything without a fight.. yeah.. and I believe most people or all here won't either.. we are all at different levels here and we all have our many ups, if there is.. or feeling down.. yeah, even moderators are people and feel the same.. we are not beyond feeling depressed, hopelessness, etc.. at times.. speaking from my own experience..
Katt, I am thinking, and I hope, really hope that you will hang on, and stay here, whether or not you write, respond, let us know how you are doing... My heart goes out deeply to you because I understand. I haven't been here for some time because I started shutting people out.. SF saved me when I first found this forum by accident.. many reasons.. it was difficult for me to really really take off that total mask, to let people know or not sure how to explain it to other people here.. I have been hurt deeply in my life to the extreme that this last year I didn't realize it, that I started shutting out people here who in my life, became my friends here and deeply cared for me. It scares me. I don't know how to accept that. I have never had that much in my life..
I am here because I really care deeply. Hon, you have alot to say.. and yet, you don't have to say anything.. just be here, okay? give us a chance? Try not to shut people out and the ones that you made friends with here? You are extremely important.. and I know I haven't been here.. and you may think, yeah, words.. I know.. it isn't words..
Several people here have expressed concerns too.. it is true.. when you are in the frame of mind that you are hon, you are not thinking clearly or straight.. please stay with someone you trust. As Mary, stated and others, here, who responded, care deeply about you, please allow us to help you through the rough spots. Of course, it is your choice, but we all are reaching out to you to let you know, yeah, it is scary.. and difficult.. we understand.. and we are here for you always.. I hope that you will give us a chance.. and be here for you.. the door is ALWAYS open.. sweetie.. you have alot to say.. you have a voice.. it just whatever has happened in your life, been lost for now, maybe? and finding your way back..Let us help you..
We love you always.. You may ask, "Why?" Why do we care? Because I have been there and I know, it is a very difficult road to stay the course.. to allow others into one's life, to allow others to help, and more.. You don't have to say anything.. just be.. I have a difficult time extremely trusting people.. and I know many of us do here.. we have all been deeply hurt, destroyed, wounded deeply beyond words that we can express.. and so much more life has given us.. What is the point? Well, I don't have the answer.. except that at anytime, it is a choice, and a person can do what they may feel later.. Just not now.. It doesn't sound like you are in the right frame of mind.. thinking.. and I know.. I can only empathsize that there are people here I have found, who are open and trusting.. That is why we are here..
Well, I am saying all this because I really do care.. and people here really care about you. It may be that you don't want anybody to care about you, but too late.. you have made an impact on people here. We are here because we care and want to reach out to you.. no matter the decision, if you feel you need to step away (I hope you reconsider, you can always, do that later, a day at a time) or just be here..
((((((((((((((((MANY HUGS, KATT!))))))))))))))))))))))))
Love
Tracie
