I am gonna vent

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by normaljoe, Sep 12, 2015.

  1. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    my family has a long history of abuse at my father's hand. As he was on his way out, I emotionally separated myself from him. He died this past weekend. I didn't even go to the funeral. Which leaves me and my sister to care for my mom.
    It has become my newest nightmare to have to look after my mom because she is incapable of looking after herself. not because of disability but laziness or apathy. I see her, and I immediately get angry. I hate that she is so lazy, that she just doesn't understand what is going on, that she lies and lies and lies. that she is so defensive. I hate that she sleeps constantly she is tired from nothing and lies about 'all the work she has done'. I hate that she doesn't understand the value of income because she has never been able to hold down a job. I want to help her but at the same time I want to forfeit everything my dad left me and just leave the family. I feel like i am being sucked into an abyss, like i have been betrayed. I have identified with her for so long as a victim like myself but at this point I have no one else to blame for her being like she is. I can't see her the same anymore. she goes to see a psych just like me and takes meds for depression but still. she seems to be cut off from reality. she makes up these stories and its infuriating. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to buy my way out of my family, as horrible as that sounds to some people. I am not ashamed of this idea. I have dreamed of just going to my mom and sister laying cash on the table and telling them to never contact me again. I have looked into changing my name. I thought about changing my number. I hate that society pushes me to 'respect family' when they do not know me. they do not know what it is like to hear the bullshit that comes out of her mouth. They don't know what its like to see your dreams coming to fruition and face the reality of having to put them on hold because ur mom is so fucking lost she may not be able to take care of herself. that she agrees to plans you set out and immediately alters them to fit her skewed reality. I can't stand it anymore. I feel guilty for wanting them both to be dead. but at least then, the only thing we need to worry about is the funeral. I already told my sister she can have everything. I'd forfeit all my inheritance if they would just leave me alone.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You don't have to tell them anything You owe them nothing ok Your mother has her doctors in place to look after her You are in a posionous place with your family then leave. Start somewhere new where you take care of YOU ok she is the adult the more you baby her the more she will play her victim part.
    Find a place where you can survive and don't give them any information but that you have decided you need to start fresh some where you can breath and when YOU have got your life together and when YOU want to contact them then do so You have one obligation and that is to YOU take care of YOU ok no one else will hugs
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are born to a family- not stuck with it. You have every right to walk away without explanation or discussion and and are not obligated to care for anybody period. I had to walk away from my family many years ago- and do not regret nor think it a bad decision. If walking away would make life easier for you then do so.
  4. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    no one has ever actually agreed with this. It is weird not to be ridiculed for saying that. thank you for not making me feel guilty. seriously, thank you.