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I am having trouble feeling my emotions

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Unregistered person, Feb 26, 2008.

  1. I am a 41 year old man who has been through a lot lately. I tried to kill myself when I was about 14. I wouldn’t have tried but when I told my step father, and my mother I was thinking about it, they said I should go ahead and do it. That devastated me and they pushed me over the edge since I could tell by there comment they did not care. I took pills and was taken to the hospital. I was sick for days and lost some of my hearing in one ear because of the pills.

    BTW: I hear a lot of people say that “people who threaten suicide are really just looking for attention so go ahead and tell them to do it so they will chicken out.” Is this true? For me it was not the case. I am just wondering if there is any real data on this.

    Anyway, while I do not want to kill myself now, I have been under a lot of stress. I try to tell my wife who I love dearly of 17 years that I can’t handle it and that I need for her to work with me to get done the things done that need to be done. She just doesn’t get it. She wants to just do everything herself so I feel like a loser for not being able to do it all, or she wants me to do everything myself and that is pushing me to my breaking point. I think about suicide a lot now. (Not that I want to kill myself.) I just can’t stop thinking about it. I just kind of feel numb.

    What I want is for her to work with me on things so we can accomplish things together. No mater how many times I tell her this she doesn’t understand and I don’t think she know how close to the edge I am. I really can tell anyone I know about this because I can never give someone the same control over my future the way I did my parents. I think telling someone to go ahead and commit suicide makes them just as guilty of murder as if they has pushed them off a cliff themselves.

    I don’t really know why I decided to post here other then right now life sucks.
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Hi there, words escape me, especially those of advice that could ease your pain with words of wisdom but I felt the need to post to say that I had read your post and that I understand how you feel to some extent. But you do have a voice and I heard what you have said, as have others and if you feel up to it I urge you to write more about yourself and how you feel. It's not for everyone but for some it makes a difference, I hope it does for you too

    Tc and be safe, until next time.
  3. We moved out of our messy old house and into a neat new one. My wife won’t help me move our stuff out of the old house so we can sell the house. She says that she does not want our new house looking like our old one that was messy all the time. She want’s to pick and choose what to throw away and what to bring to the new house. Over the past six months I take a few boxes and other items from the old house and bring them to the new house to hear objections. She tells me in one breath that it is not fair that I should have to use my lunch hours to drive to the old house and load up during the week. Then in the next breath she is telling me “I don’t see why we should both have to go to the old house on the weekend.”

    It is not that I mind so much that I have to move everything myself, though I do mind. It is not that I don’t understand she wants to keep the new house clean. I do understand. It is just that we have now run through our entire savings and there will be no money in a month or two to pay for the mortgage on that house or even our new one. I keep telling here we are going to loose everything.

    We have fought and yelled so much over this. I don’t know what else to do. If we just let the old house go, we will loose all our equity and have nothing to show for all of our hard work. What is worse is that we need that money to pay for the second mortgage on our new home, and if we don’t come up with that we won’t be able to afford the mortgage on the new home even if that was our only bill.

    Fact is we need to finish up this move ASAP if not Yesterday. However she does not want that stuff in the new home. We are talking about our pictures and her clothes, lots of memories and personal stuff, the old particle board bookshelves and stuff like that can be thrown out. I am really sick over it and I just want to check out so I don’t have to deal with this anymore. I mean we are going to loose that house and our new home soon anyway. She sure is not happy listening to me complain all the time. I just want what is best for our family, and no one is listening to me. Nobody gets just how bad our finances are.

    “Oh yes I’ll help you pay the bills…Why do we both have to do it?” “Oh yes I will help you move our stuff…why do we both have to do it?”

    I am beside myself and I am going out of my frig’in mind. A bullet in the brain just seems so much simpler. For some reason she just doesn’t want to work with me anymore.
  4. I want to thank you so much. Just getting to post what was on my mind helps. I know I can't ever tell my wife about this stuff because I don’t want to be a "Manipulator." I think it is just better to let her think everything is fine rather then tell her I’m in trouble. I can’t keep those thoughts out of my head, but at least I’m not acting on them. Just being able to post makes me feel like someone is listening. Thanks.