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I am here ...but...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by ace1972, Oct 2, 2010.

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  1. ace1972

    ace1972 Member

    On Sept 1 I attempted to end my life. I took xxxx. I realize that this was not enough to do the job now, but it has changed myied to life. I had researched on the net how much to take but could not find a number. My hands were shaking. It was the worst day of my life.

    I got in my car and was just driving around, thinking I was going to die and wondering what it would feel like. My gf had broken off her engagement to me, my money probs were out of this world, and I had not seen my kid in ages. I was at the bottom.

    So in my car, I called my told her what I had done, and hung up the phone. She called back-didnt expect her to-and talked me to the hosptial she came and sat with my mom while they checked my heart, etc.

    I drank that crappy chalk drink and listened to the shrinks say that my probs were "situational" and they would not keep me overnight. A close pastor of mine and tried to get them to keep me. They would not.

    Then the rest is somewhat of a blur-
    I was pretty sleepy. No one wanted me. My gf did not want me back in the house and my father said I could not go there. I had no money. I was going to end up in a shelter, and Lord knows what would have happened there.

    My gf took me back into her house. Until the drama died down. Then she made it clear I was with her for one month only then I was gone.

    I stayed 2 days. I could not look at those I had hurt without feeling guilty. My sister took me in and I stayed with her for a week.

    My shrink said that I did not need antidepressants just needed to change the way I deal with things and he helped get me into a mental health clinic to get the help I need.

    I have filed bankrupcy-best decision ever. I am taking the steps to seek legal aid to see my daughter more.

    I have a good job.

    I am alive.

    Somedays it is not easy....
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2010
  2. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry that you are feeling like this. i'm also glad that you failed. life IS crap at times but not always. we can move on from these feelings. pm me if you need to talk. stay strong, stay safe.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you are taken the steps to see your daughters more and you have a new job. If your pdoc won't give you antidepressants i don't understand that one ask your regular doctor about it they can order these meds if u think the would help. I am glad you are still here so your daughters will have their parent to love them I hope you continue to get the needed support to stay stable.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so glad you are with us...I think you are right...it is so difficult to live a life, but worth the effort...being with your daughter and seeing the caring for you is something worth holding on to...please continue to tell us what is going on and how we can support you...big hugs, J
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm glad that you're still here ace. :hug:
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