I've been on these forums for over three years now, since I first entered college and have made little to no progress here, just like at my school (non-academically I mean). Its been such a long time and I've done nothing here and its quite frustrating. :sad: But I have nobody to blame but myself. I just am not able to get in the chat room and make SF friends, PM them, open up about my problems and why I want to commit about suicide, etc. My problems aren't as bad as many others here (at least not yet). I also feel that there's too many people here, more joining every day and so I am just a small fish in a huge ocean. I cannot get the attention I would like, but I am not even trying to open up so its doesn't really matter. And as said before, others here are in more immediate danger and resources should go to them first. I think about suicide but haven't attempted yet. Though I feel that it can only get worse in the near future and I will try to attempt. I bet I'll screw it up and then maybe really get some help. But its much better to get it fixed now before it can get any worse of course. I see from my past threads I've made that I'm a broken record, I only delve in a little bit of my problems but never give the full story, it feels like I am teasing, but I am having trouble opening up and making the most of this forum. I've barely used it to my advantage and I can tell this really is a great place to find comfort. Anyone else having this issue??? It feels like I am the only one and everyone else on these forums can easily say what bothers them and their already on step 1 on a hopeful road to recovery. There's so many people that have committed suicide and they had a lot of friends and resources to help them. You wonder why they did it then? But they were hesitant because its so taboo, they'd never want their loved ones to find out about it, the shame it would bring. It applies to me too as well. I've told my dad about it but sometimes he thinks I am only trying to get attention and then he goes off and tells my mom. I can never tell him a secret, even though if my child was thinking of suicide, I'd probably tell my wife. Ah, its so confusing at times. I have this all mostly bottled up inside me and nobody can know about it. My parents think my depression has gotten a lot better, maybe even gone away. But its only because I've stopped telling them I am depressed, whats the point? My dad has offered to take me to a psychologist/psychiatrist again but I refused and he got quite upset with me. I feel there is no point to it. Or maybe I will wait to get help until I have gained full independence (that alone scares me a lot, I've been far too pampered and babied for my age, its very embarrassing!!) Its such a good and bad thing to survive a suicide attempt also. Bad in that usually now everyone knows your secret of depression and they will all look at you differently, like a complete freak. I'm quite sure if I attempt, I will most likely fail and end up in that horrible, shameful and embarrassing situation. Thank you for reading this and all the comments/advice you can give me.