i am highly confused


Well-Known Member
i have always known that i was attracted to women as well. basically from age 10. i wasnt able to completely come to terms with it untill not too long ago. and it felt like all the weight had been lifted off of me. but recently ive come to notice that im feeling slightly more attracted to women (sexually).
i feel diffrent about men and women so i cant tell who i like more. its not comparable.
i had a friend (a girl) i was extremely close to for years. we were jealous if the other hung out with others (male or female, which, i know, can be misstaken with feelings of friendship). there had always been this attraction that was left unexpressed. we were everything to each other. we had this strong bond.
it was so peaceful and complete, equal and idyllic. i was very protective and i still am, mostly with women. but i also like being taken care of.. dont we all.
just looking back at it now, it seems so perfect. the perfect relationship where both partners are completely equal. where thers no gender roles or little power games. i am perfectly capable of building a shelve and dont need to be told how to do it.

the thing is, im in a relationship with a guy. and im questioning wether i am in the right or wrong one. im torn. the question is probably also, is this specific person the right or wrong one.
im not asking anyone to tell me "yep leave him" or "stay with him". but im wondering, in the bigger picture, what kind of relationship would be the right one. i just really dont know in which direction to turn, what i want or what i believe i want. i like men and women in diffrent ways and i wouldnt want to miss either of them.
i cant really trust my own feelings bc im more than indecisive. just last week i wanted to get pregnant, then i was disgusted with the idea and this week im questioning wether i want to be with a man or woman. that doesnt really leave me with a solid ground to act on my feelings and make decisions. i believe that every decision i make is an "in the heat of the moment" one. i have strong feelings from one moment to the other. im not bipolar that i know of.

i dont know if my mind is just corrupted with the memories of this friend and if im mistaking feelings of friendship for romantic feelings. i feel as if with women, there could be this strong bond again. or was it only this person? does it even matter if man or woman? could i have this bond with either of them? thats just something i should ask myself as well, but my tendency is to believe that this bond would only be possible in a gay relationship.

ahhh i dont know what answers im expecting. i would just looove some feed back. anything really. it would be great if there were gays or bis to respond, who may have felt the same at some point.
thanks in advance
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Staff Alumni
After reading your post, I think that maybe you might be bisexual (defined as being sexually attracted to both men and women). Like you, I'm interested to see what others think about this.


Well-Known Member
Have you heard about Kinsey Scale? Taken from wikipedia (I'm not too good at writing my own definitions :) )
The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person's sexual history or episodes of his or her sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual.

0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual

I consider myself bisexual, kinsey 4, but if you spoke to me last year, I would say I was 6. Sexuality is not something set in stone, it fluctuates. Don't be confused, sexuality is not black and white. And most of all don't label yourself.


Well-Known Member
I'm a girl and I'm gay, and I don't think I could ever have a strong relationship with a male. But my best friend is a guy, and I love him very much (as a friend).

Ask you're boyfriend if he would be open to you also dating women. You're not going to no if don't try dating women. I don't think you should have to choose between men and women.

It's very much possible that you have romantic feeling for your friend, but it's not something that you can find the answer to in a book. It's something you figure out through experience.

I think the more you think about it, the more confused you'll get. You just have to out yourself out there


Well-Known Member
find out if the person has feelings for you too.

also, you didnt mention if you're actually attracted to your friend, or if you just get along. platonic love is still love, but a different kind.
as for relationships, you can have a great one with either gender. you just need to figure out how you feel exactly, before you act ;)


Well-Known Member
Thanks to all of you for the replies ! :)

@Alex, I believe so too. I'm sexually more attracted to women than I am to men. Though I have to say that I think it is an attraction thing more so than feelings. after all I never had a crush on a woman or had strong feelings for one like I have for men. No butterflies

@juniper, thank you for that. After seeing that scale I believe I'm a 2 or even 3.

@pancake, thank you. Yeah we had a talk about it and though it hurt him a lot, he said it was ok for me to make my experience to figure it out.

@romancer, Tanks S :)
Yeah I was attracted to her. But I've been thinking, everytime I imagine being with a girl, I pretty much expect it to be just like with her. After all we had been extremely close for almost a decade. after not having contact to her anymore (it's been 2 years now) I had a whole left in my life and I can't get over it too well.
I'm starting to believe that I just miss her and what we had and what I really need is a female as my best friend again. to have that kind of bond again.
Throughout our friendship there had been many guys and as long a I was still her number 1 and she was mine, I was completely fine with it.

Thanks again to everyone :arms:
I think I see a bit more clearly now.
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