I am in love...but it can't work

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Atheist Demon, Mar 22, 2009.

  1. Atheist Demon

    Atheist Demon Account Closed

    Only a few ppl like my mom and the ppl on the two forums that I go to know that I am bisexual. And I am so fricken scared to tell my best friend, his family (who are real close to me) or the rest of my family, because I feel I will be looked at different. But on an anime-forum I go to, there is this one gay guy on there who has a lot in common with me. We both are in to anime, we both like RPGs, we both have loneliness and depression disorder, we both are recovering drug addicts. (I use to smoke weed, and I am addicted to alcohol.), and we are both LGBTs (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) for I am bi and he is gay, etc. And when I saw his picture today I fell deeply in love. I don't know if it is puppy love, infatuation, or what. But I don't know how to tell him. And I am scared of what my friends and family would think. My best friend and I make gay jokes against our ex-friend Chris, and he says a lot of homophobic things. But I am scared to tell him that I am half-gay. And I am scared if his parents knew, cause I am so close to them, then they will think I am a immoral pervert. And I am scared to tell my dad, aunts, uncle, cousins, etc. cause I always feared that my uncle thought I was gay, and I will feel defeated. I just don't know what to do.

    I am very sorry for making it so long, but I am confused. I am scared to ask ppl on the anime-forum cause I feel that they will flame or make fun of me. And I feel that I can be open, free, and honest here cause I trust yall.


  2. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Well If you love someone you should tell them how you feel. If you're family and friends can't accept you then they are bad people. Don't be afraid to be who you are or you'll just feel regret with what ifs for the rest of your life.

    Love is love.
    It's scary but you won't know what will happen till you try.
  3. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    Ok so I recently just came out to my parents (last week in fact) after a long journey of self acceptance. I'm 34 and it took me years to accept who I was and feel good about it (being gay and all). For me coming out was a long process that took years, I started off by telling just a couple of people that I trusted. Then as I got more comfortable with myself I told more and more people. I slowly began to live my life without hiding the fact that I was gay. Then I realized I had to tell my parents that I was gay if I truly wanted to live an open and honest life. After I told my parents I realized I wasted and invested so much time and effort into hiding who I was that I really haven't lived my life.

    So what I'm saying is that, start small, tell one friend that you trust....it's hard but will get easier, at least in my experience. Work at your own pace and do what your comfortable with and start telling other people in your life that you trust. I've been really lucky in that every time I came out to someone I've had a positive reaction but even if you get a negative reaction don't get discouraged, sometimes it takes a bit for people deal with it.

    In my experience I wish I had came out allot earlier cause like I said I put so much effort into hiding who I was that I kind of feel like I've wasted my life. To me it's far better to live your life being who you are than trying to hide it from everybody. Some people may not accept you but there will be lots that will and I bet even some people will surprise you.

    Just do it, find the courage and believe me you'll feel so much better about your self and your life. You won't have to worry what people think of you any more and you'll be free to just be you. I hope this will help you.

    Oh yeah take a look at you tube....they have lots of coming out stories on there, I know they helped me

  4. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Bryant, first of all, as for coming out... yes it can be hard!! I started coming out at 17... very slowly like Steve said, first I told one person, then another, then 2 people and so on... my parents were divorced, my mom, who I lived with, didn't care at all, nothing changed, she loved me just as she always did!! When I came out to my dad, I was about 22 I think... he disowned me for about 4 years... until my grandmother (his mom) died... & when I showed up at the funeral, he hugged me, told me he loved me, and from there, we started rebuilding our relationship!! I am pretty sure my grandmother told him he needed to let his anger go, that I was his son, and nothing could change that... because SHE accepted me... even at her age!! So it might be hard, some people might not take it as well as you'd like, BUT it is better to deal with it then to hide it from people you care about, especially family!! It's not healthy to hide your life from people... it actually hurts YOU... as well as them, because they will wonder "why is he so distant, why doesn't he tell us about his life?'... I have seen that happen with friends! It is better to get it all out!! But again... there is no RUSH... go slow, at YOUR pace... but don't keep it bottled up forever!!
    As for your friends... if they can't deal with it, then they really are NOT a true friend!! A real friend accepts EVERYTHING about you, whether it is sexual orientation or anything else!! If they really care about you, are a REAL friend... then it will be okay!! They might need a short amount of time to get used to it, they might not want to talk about it right away, or they might have LOTS of questions... but the fact is if they ARE a real friend, you will be okay!! Even your friend that makes the jokes... you make them too right, probably because you think HE wants you too, you think if you don't then he might think you are gay... well maybe he thinks you want HIM too... maybe he's afraid you would think he is gay, even if he IS straight... & maybe he doesn't really care one way or the other, especially if he really is a friend and cares about you!! Sometimes close guy friends get nervous because they get paranoid that you 'want them' and that you might try to make a 'move' on him... when you tell him, just assure him that you are not trying to hook up with him, IF he seems nervous... just remind him you just want to CONTINUE to be friends, just like always... and remind him you are the same person he has been friends with all this time, there really isn't anything different 'about' you!! If he is a friend, he will agree!! Again, he MAY need a couple days to digest it if it really shocks him... but if he is a friend, he will come around!!

    BUT, if for any reason ANYONE, your parents or your friends really take it badly, and freak out... don't let it upset you so much that you can't take it, that YOU freak out... come talk to us here... or elsewhere... you WILL have support no matter what, many people here WILL help you through it, WILL be your friends!!! And no matter what happens, you WILL be OKAY!!

    As for the guy you like, first do you live anywhere close to each other? Also, it will be a lot easier for you to say something to him because you DO know he is gay right? I wouldn't start off saying 'you love him'... lol... but you can always just say something like "hey, you're pretty cute"... and just start a normal conversation... start talking about personal things... find out if he is seeing anyone... and if you live close, ask if he wants to get together to meet in person... and see how it goes! Has he seen your photo? Maybe he thinks you're cute too but also is too shy to say anything!! You never know! So just talk normal... don't try to rush anything... just talk! If it's supposed to happen, it will! :biggrin:

    Also... you said your 'ex-friend Chris'... I am guessing by that & the jokes that Chris IS gay? If so... maybe he shouldn't be an 'ex-friend' right now... you might want to talk to him, because if he is gay, and out... he might be able to help you with your fears!! Plus, he could probably use another friend who understands, and YOU certainly do... he is ONE person who shouldn't judge you by coming out... he should accept you without question! That might be a place to start... depends on you, on him, etc... but maybe something to think about!

    Good luck with your new crush/love... AND with coming out... WHEN you decide to do it! It is VERY scary at first... but with each person you tell, the next time gets just a little bit easier!! Just take it slow!! You don't need to call everyone you know into one big room and make one big announcement... just take it one at a time!! Pretty soon it won't be a second thought, it will just come out without a care! :smile:

    I wish you well with everything!! If you do it... talk to him, or come out to anyone, let us know how it goes! And again, good luck!! You'll be okay! Just be YOU... and LOVE whoever you actually LOVE, no matter what ANYONE says, whether it is a guy or girl!!

    Bri :wink:
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I don't get the social stigma.

    If you're gay, you're gay.

    I'm not but I wouldn't hold it against a friend if he was.

    Heck, if I were gay my life would change little. Can't be though as I like lady parts too much. :tongue:
  6. Atheist Demon

    Atheist Demon Account Closed

    Chris isn't gay, but in Oklahoma, calling someonr gay is a diss to them (if they are not). Chris said a bad thing about Obama that was racist, ( I am black BTW) and he used me, so we call him gay to diss him.

    As for that guy I likked, he isn't into me. So I guess both guys and girls hate me. I will never find love. I will die alone like my grandmother did. If I don't die by suicide, then diabetes will kill me.
  7. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Okay... so I misunderstood about Chris... sorry about that!

    But, just because this ONE isn't into you, or even 10... doesn't mean NOBODY is! It will happen! SOMEONE out there, probably many someone's are or will be into you!

    The biggest thing is... just be yourself... and those around you that truly care about you, the ones that really MATTER, will accept you just as you are! :biggrin: Because, remember, the friends that DON'T accept you DO NOT MATTER! Let them GO, you don't want them in your life anyway!
  8. Atheist Demon

    Atheist Demon Account Closed

    Everytime I see your name, I keep thinking I posted it, cause my USERNAME, on another forum is BryGuy (y instead of i).:wink:

    OT: I guess only time will tell. I am exercising more and eating better food. So hopefully I will lose some and look better.

    Thanks everyone for the help and support.
  9. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    it's better if you tell them and come out...
    the people who love you before, will still love you...
    if they really love you, it shouldn't matter whether you're gay, bi or straight...
    sexuality is not everything that makes you...
    it's one brick of the wall...
    just one part of you...
  10. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Well, "love" is a bit of a leap for someone you just met. I would say that you should probably hold off on making that judgment call. I know how it feels to flip for someone and just feel like they're your whole world at the moment. But that's a really bad time to make big decisions because you're probably not thinking as clearly as you normally would. Often, reality is not quite congruent with the wild fantasies we have when we first meet someone and get that feeling.

    I would advise that maybe you give this some time and see how things work out?
  11. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    Have to disagree. I knew INSTANTLY when I met my one and only true love. I knew it within minutes that this is 'the one'... and was deeply IN love within a VERY short period. So, it CAN happen!
    And trust me when I say, this was the ONLY time I ever felt that way... even when I was dating many others or in other serious relationships, I never once felt OR claimed feelings like this... so even tho SOME people do that, 'fall in love' with EVERY person they meet... I have never done that... so I know MINE is real... so maybe his is too! Can't know unless you're inside him!
  12. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Oh, I know just what you're saying. Like I said, I've been there. The difference is when it happened to me, I was just as sure as you were but I was wrong. She didn't (ultimately) feel the same way I did even though I wanted to believe that she did. I couldn't have made it work if I'd wanted to. I fell hard based upon a feeling and frankly, that really hurt me for many years. I'm not saying people should be afraid to love. Just that they should be careful and take things slow. The other person may or may not feel the way you do. You never know. It can be incredible if you take a big chance, fall head over heels and you win but it can be devastating if you lose. A broken heart can take a very long time to mend.

    Basically, I'm just posting this because it sounds like it might be this guy's first time and if that's true, the first time is very special. We all know it (those of us who remember). There's never anything else quite like it.