I am very scared...I was comitted once this week...I told them I was not suicidal and I got out of there...in all honesty though...I am as close to killing myself as I have ever been..they cant help me though....going back to that hospital will surely push me over the edge...it was so sad and lonely there...I am lonely here too...even though I have my mom here...she just thinks I am talking shit when I say I am suicidal...I have ruined my entire life...I have got myself in to a place where I see no hope..I have no friends and the pastors I have arent helping much...they think there is an evil spiirit pulling on me...I cant find a job and I just have so much emptiness in me...no faith in God...nothing...I live in an area where there is no work...I am a 44 year old guy with nothing to look forward to...I am on medication but it is not working...I just have nothing to keep living for...I cant tell my therapist how bad off I am because they will stick me in that damned hospital and they will do absolutely nothing for me...I am very scared I am close to the end...someone please tell me what to do...cause I don't think I can take much more....thank you...