I am in trouble, feeling this sadness again, can't control it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by specialpk, Feb 1, 2011.

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  1. specialpk

    specialpk Guest

    I have been on medication for several years now. I did therapy, because I failed to commit suicide a few years back and it seemed to have helped me so much. But I have been hired and fired from so many jobs since 2007, to the point I can no longer stand on my own anymore.

    I have lost all of my friends, probably for obvious reasons.

    When I get fired, people tell me one way or another it is nothing personal, that I am well liked by everyone and things like that but it never works out.

    I am soon to be 47 years old and I feel I have a lot to offer, but this keeps on happening and since they never tell me exactly what is wrong, I can't help but acknowledge the entire world can't be wrong so, what is wrong with me?

    My meds barely help anymore and I clearly can't afford treatment. I have nothing left in the bank and I just don't know how to put myself together anymore.

    I am loosing hope real fast. I don't sleep at night and spend hours on end looking for work. I interview well, I have no drug or alcohol problems and I know I am very presentable.

    My parents are old and my father is very sick, and they spend their time worried about me and what I could do to myself. My brother helps me out but things are not good and I hate to be a load on anyone. I feel so guilty for worrying them and I truly wish I wouldn't wake up every day.

    If I was to try to "check out" again, I know this time I will not miss and I am really terrified.

    What is even sadder is that if it wasn't because I love my pets so much, I probably wouldn't be here anymore. And then again, how much longer before I get kicked out and they loose their home.

    Things are really hard and I am just so tired. What is wrong with me????
  2. leeco

    leeco New Member

    Hey its hard times and you will find a new job again. I dont have a job and my mother wants to kill her self and that is why im on here. Chill out and get more options in your mind as you could make money loads of ways.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hey specialpk and welcome to SF. I'm so sorry that you're hurting right now, but please don't 'check out' just yet. Your parents are old and they need you to help them. Don't give up man. :hug:
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    The economy is crap at the moment and it is hard to find work. Don't take it personally as there are a lot of people in your situation. Are you in the US or UK?

    If you were to check out it would put a hell of a lot more stress on them than it does with worrying about you. Parents will always worry no matter how old you are.

    Head back to your doctor and ask for a medication review they may be able to switch them to something else that may be more beneficial.

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