I am tired of always being turned down. I am always disappointed and rejected. The fact is, I need a bigger house. I live in a very small place with my husband and 2 kids. We only have 2 bedrooms. I have a son and a daughter. Surely God understand when I cry out to him and say I need a bigger house, that He realizes this is in-fact a "need" and not at all a "want". I have needs that are not being met. So, we find a house that is plenty big enough for us. It is a great price. One that I can afford a monthly payment on. My credit does not allow me to secure a mortgage loan. We are screwed. I will never be able to own a bigger home. This has me very upset. All I want is a bigger place to live. I am constantly stressed out in this house we live in now. It is so small that it always looks cluttered. We are just way to crammed together in this little place. I am only asking for $55,000. That is mot much in the broad scheme of things. So, I sit back and I think about everything in my life that is not right, or continues to go wrong. I am just so tired of feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. I cannot even provide for my children with sufficient living quarters for them. This is just one thing that is stacked against me. I really do not even care about the quality of my life anymore. I go through the motions everyday. I chose to stay here out of the simple fear of the unknown. But one day, I will not care anymore whether or not I have a soul that needs somewhere to go after my body dies. One day I will have had enough, and finally follow through with the plan I have drawn up. I am fed up, disgusted, tired, and low. Low down, and passed the point of caring about my life anymore. Yesterday I had thought about opening up the car door and jumping out while my husband was driving us down the interstate. If I did it just right, I would die instantly and not even have to worry about suffering or surviving.