I've lived for 19 years, but I've only experienced a fraction of the life that anyone else my age has lived. I had no friends throughout my teenage years. I've never had a girlfriend, gone on a date, or even kissed a girl. I feel like I can never make up for what I have missed out on. I feel like I am less of a person than other people are. Everyone but me has done all the things I want to do. I'm the only one who's been missing out, who is inexperienced, who is alone. No girl has ever shown any interest in me at all. No girl has ever wanted me. No girl has ever been affectionate toward me. No girl has ever even flirted with me. No girl would ever want to. I'm completely undesirable. I've never experienced love. I've always been alone. I feel like I've wasted my life, and like I will never measure up to other people. I can never compare to anyone else my age. I've already lost the chance to enjoy my days as a teenager. My youth is gone forever and now I am an adult with no memories to look back on. I have no reason to love myself or even like myself. There is nothing good about me. I have nothing to be proud of. I have no reason to respect myself. I try to be positive and kindhearted. But my inexperience makes me socially awkward, and I constantly embarass and humilate myself. If I ever try to discuss my emotions with other people, they tell me I'm "whining" and tell me to stop being "negative". Nobody wants to be friends with me. No girl wants to call me hers. My life is and always has been a giant disappointment. I have nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, no sign of hope, and I see no sign that my life will ever improve or change. Nothing could make up for all the pain I've been through so far. Nothing in the future could ever be worth the pain I have to go through every day. How can I stop being insecure? How can I end my loneliness? How can I stop being so anxious and worried? If I killed myself, then that would end the insecurity, loneliness, the anxiety, the suffering, everything. How could I ever be happy, when I have such a wretched life? I'd only be kidding myself if I convinced myself to hang in there. There is no reason. Things can't get better. I've passed the point where change and improvement is possible. Nothing is worth this kind of suffering. Nothing is worth sticking around for. Nothing could entice me to endure more of this pain. Things will never look up, I will never have the experiences I want to have. I will never get what I want out of life. My life is already over. I've already wasted it and destroyed all potential it had. How could things possibly get any better? From here, they can only get worse.