I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live for.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by A_New_Man, Dec 14, 2007.

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  1. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    I've lived for 19 years, but I've only experienced a fraction of the life that anyone else my age has lived. I had no friends throughout my teenage years. I've never had a girlfriend, gone on a date, or even kissed a girl.

    I feel like I can never make up for what I have missed out on. I feel like I am less of a person than other people are. Everyone but me has done all the things I want to do. I'm the only one who's been missing out, who is inexperienced, who is alone.

    No girl has ever shown any interest in me at all. No girl has ever wanted me. No girl has ever been affectionate toward me. No girl has ever even flirted with me. No girl would ever want to. I'm completely undesirable. I've never experienced love. I've always been alone.

    I feel like I've wasted my life, and like I will never measure up to other people. I can never compare to anyone else my age. I've already lost the chance to enjoy my days as a teenager. My youth is gone forever and now I am an adult with no memories to look back on.

    I have no reason to love myself or even like myself. There is nothing good about me. I have nothing to be proud of. I have no reason to respect myself.

    I try to be positive and kindhearted. But my inexperience makes me socially awkward, and I constantly embarass and humilate myself. If I ever try to discuss my emotions with other people, they tell me I'm "whining" and tell me to stop being "negative".

    Nobody wants to be friends with me. No girl wants to call me hers. My life is and always has been a giant disappointment.

    I have nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, no sign of hope, and I see no sign that my life will ever improve or change. Nothing could make up for all the pain I've been through so far. Nothing in the future could ever be worth the pain I have to go through every day.

    How can I stop being insecure? How can I end my loneliness? How can I stop being so anxious and worried? If I killed myself, then that would end the insecurity, loneliness, the anxiety, the suffering, everything.

    How could I ever be happy, when I have such a wretched life? I'd only be kidding myself if I convinced myself to hang in there. There is no reason. Things can't get better. I've passed the point where change and improvement is possible.

    Nothing is worth this kind of suffering. Nothing is worth sticking around for. Nothing could entice me to endure more of this pain. Things will never look up, I will never have the experiences I want to have. I will never get what I want out of life. My life is already over. I've already wasted it and destroyed all potential it had.

    How could things possibly get any better? From here, they can only get worse.
     
  2. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    EvaXephon :hug: !
     
  3. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    Lots of people do not find the person for them until later in life, maybe even 30+ is not that uncommon these days.

    You are a nice guy. You have positive qualities. You never know what magic is around the corner if you just hold on and stay open.

    Blessings to you.
     
  4. fixintodie

    fixintodie Active Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    hey. do you have any interests? or do you just go about your day with an empty mind? try to focus upon yourself for atleast a year. really doit. develop some aspects of your personality which you never had. then reach out to others with your interest, or better yet watch as they come to you. hang in there.
     
  5. SoHappyItHurts

    SoHappyItHurts Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    From my perspective, things can only get better. The hopelessness of depression is simply a symptom that requires treatment, not an indication of one's future. For perspective, terminally ill patients often feel more hope than teenagers with depression. You are only 19. Your brain is still undergoing a lot of changes. Socially, you are in the often painful transition period called "transitional adulthood." Therapy can help with these issues, of course.

    BTW, people tend to get happier and become more adjusted to life as they age:
    http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/story?id=2099399&page=1
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2007
  6. Giddy Ian

    Giddy Ian Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    Hey I'm exactly like you, please don't kill yourself:sad:. You just need to know that there is people out there that do care and your special for who you are.

    I love you and I would be your friend if I knew you, because we sound a lot alike :). I'm also very kindhearted and easy going, and I try to make up for my terrible social abilities with smiles and being polite.

    Don't be so hard on yourself about any not having a girlfriend or anything, I'm sure the right person will come around. You just need a girl that will notice how nice you are for who you are, and love you for it :). Not all girls love guys that think they know it all!

    Please just try to get over the past, lots of people will say that their teenage years were terrible but that doesn't mean that they're people that are beneath those who had great teenage years.


    I know I'm not very good with advice, but I care about you so don't do anything dangerous please:sad:.

    We can both make it through this!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2007
  7. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    how did you get to the point where you were undesirable to girls, didnt do party's, go out, or anything else like that?
     
  8. A_New_Man

    A_New_Man Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    From age 12 to 18, I was homeschooled. During that time, I became accustomed to spending all day at home. I spent all my time indoors and never went out and made friends or got involved in social activities. I don't know how to talk to people or how to make friends. I just embarass and humilate myself when I try.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    hey, i know how it feels to be lonely, and insecure. if u want to talk, feel free to pm me.
     
  10. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    insecure, anxious, lonely lack of self confidence? just add no self esteem and its me .

    no easy answer to this as feeling like this just goes round in circles.

    if you let it.

    what i found worked for me was to get out and about more, even if its just down town for a bit, go where other ppl are, join a club that would interest you.
    basically just get yourself seen.

    don't worry about the girl bit my friend, that will come in time and best not to push it, all good things come to those who wait.

    i know it sounds hard and impossible to do but sometimes you have to make an effort to make yourself feel better, time to be selfish.

    give it a go, what have you got to lose
     
  11. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    i feel the same way about this and most of your post to be honest (although im 22 so ive got a head-start on you! :tongue:)

    It's hard i know but try to look to the future, that part of you life is over no matter what you didnt or didnt do.

    try focusing on what you can do in the future, if you have a hobby keep doing it or get more involved with it.

    personally, seeing as you say you embarass and humilate myself when you talk to people (i feel the same way here as well), i wouldnt rush into trying to make relationships because if you get rejected by people you thought were friends, its so much worse (i know from experience)
     
  12. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    19 is not adulthood. I would say adulthood is age 70 and old age is 90!

    Anyway, I know those intense feelings very well, because I still suffer from them, and I am 44.

    I recommend giving twelve step groups or depression group therapy a try. You'll open up to people, and they'll open up to you.
     
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    Whle things may seem like they will never change and that you are so very alone, in reality there are many people who have been or are in the same type of situation you find yourself in. It really does no good for you to say you can never get what you missed out on in the past, because you are right. You can't. Why dwell on that. Focus on what you can do now and in the future. If we always focus on the past and our losses, things can never change. We can't recover that time. Being home schooled through your teenaged years without any types of social interaction can make it difficult to know how to relate to others when you find yourself in social situations. The only way for that to get better is to practice it. Don't shy away from them. Immerse yourself in it as much as possible. you will learn what is acceptable and what isn't, much as a young child has to. Please realize that your situation is not hopeless. It may take a great deal of hard work to get where you want to go, but you can do it. :hug:
     
  14. Giddy Ian

    Giddy Ian Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    DUDE YOUR EXACTLY LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!

    Please understand your not ALONE!!!!

    I'm exactly like you I'm currently homeschooled and never do anything but stay home all day lol(besides work).

    Don't be ashamed of your past, it was what it was, you have you whole life in front of you. I'm sure theres things that make you happy?

    OMGOMG were so alike you have no idea, I love videos game and anime too, what is your favorite video game and anime :)!!!!!!!!!?????
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2007
  15. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    Oh, I'm exactly like you as well, I am 20 and have missed out on everything, going out with friends, dates, anything NORMAL.

    Though I haven't been homeschooled, but I have a very empty, lonely, pathetic life. Can't believe I am already 20 since I have done nothing my peers have done, I totally feel for you. Sorry thats all I can mostly say, but your sure as hell not alone, I feel a bit better knowing that as well.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2007
  16. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    I remember feeling exactly those same feelings. I had a few girlfriends, but the one I proposed to is the first one I kissed.

    I agree with others. 19 is way young to worry about marriage. Think about, but not worry. You have many years ahead to deal with marriage. Enjoy the freedom of being single.

    Mostly when I'm in uncomfortable social situations, I've just smiled at people, or nodded my head. The only one I talked to was the one I was with. I never went to dances or parties because of shyness/low self esteem. So those times were really hard.

    You mention a few positive things about yourself. Can you develop those things? It could be the one positive thing a girl is looking for in a man, and the two of you could find each other.

    I hate hearing people say to me that I'm being negative or whiny. Really irritating. But when someone has the mental health issues we have, it's hard to be all hyped up or be Mr. Congeniality. It just isn't there. I'm learning to be a little easier on myself - a long, slow, difficult process.

    Change the things you can and don't worry about the other stuff. It'll take care of itself given time.

    My journal sounds like your post, but I'm slowly doing better with a therapist and a psychologist and a psychiatrist and a patient wife. You know, if you feel as badly about yourself and your life, having a girlfriend isn't neccessarily going to change those feelings. Give yourself some slack and accept that the important things don't happen overnight.

    Can you find a counselor to talk with? That has really helped me. I've told the therapist things about myself I've never told anyone. A good counselor will be a good listener, which is something you sound like you need.

    Tomorrow will come, but today, the present, is the only thing you can do anything about.

    Jim
     
  17. jamesbond

    jamesbond Well-Known Member

    Re: I am insecure, anxious, lonely, and I lack confidence.....I have nothing to live

    i'm 47 and with the exception of a few experiences i have lived a lifetime of deprivation. this life has truly sucked
     
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