I am invisible

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Weezaxx, Nov 7, 2010.

  1. Weezaxx

    Weezaxx Member

    Don't know why I am even writing this because if my family don't see me, then why would any one else??

    Today I want to use my one way ticket ... people talk AT me, but not TO me. I am invisible. Conversation is always about someone else, or even worse, about someone I love but isn't in my life anymore, and I can't stand it anymore! I am of no importance to anyone no more ... people have proved that!!

    I want to tell people I would rather be dead, but what is the point? Everyone thinks I am just an attention seeker ... who knows, maybe I am.

    I just can't be bothered with this anymore ... I want to stay locked away in my room, but I doubt anyone would even notice really

    Lou
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    louisa I've read your thread in let it out and it's no wonder you are feeling so overwhelmed..
    so much grief and it doesn't sound like you've been able to let it out and now it's all caught up with you...
    I don't believe you're an attention seeker...
    we all make mistakes and tend to even more so when grief clouds our thinking..
    forgive yourself...you did the best you could for you at the time..

    are you seeing a doctor and/or therapist?
    if not I recommend going asap....

    maybe telling your family how you really feel might help...they probably don't even realize you're not coping..

    you should be very proud that you had that huge operation and have lost so much weight ..
    I can hear that you are in a lot of pain..
    but please don't give up yet...get some help first..:hug:
     
  3. Weezaxx

    Weezaxx Member

    I've been getting support but they are discharging me on Friday as there is no more funding for me.

    No one in my family knows how I feel because I am just invisible - my husband/ex husband (still don't know what to call him) has left me waiting in limbo still, and I am at the point that I just can't be bothered anymore.

    I am tired. Tired of trying to make amends, tired of trying to stay positive, and tired of living this life.

    I really can't see the point anymore - what is the point of trying to achieve anything, when the end results will not be noticed :(
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Maybe time to stand up and make your family take notice...you deserve to be heard by them.... if you're thinking of taking your life anyway you might as well give them the chance to listen and help you...

    My ex cheated on me and it took time for me to trust him again but i did go back to him..
    don't give up on your husband just yet...
    and Louisa think of your father...how will he cope if he loses his daughter?
    a parent should never have to deal with the loss of their child.
    I know it's hard to keep fighting but if you give up there is no hope..
    while ever you're breathing there is a chance for things to change *hug*
     
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    The outside world sucks- people suck- but from my experience; locking yourself in your room forever doesn't help at all. It might keep you 'safe' and 'protected' from the people outside; but it will never make you feel happy or fulfilled.
     
  6. Weezaxx

    Weezaxx Member

    I've been trying to get out my room and go out ... but going out alone is just as bad as staying in alone ... no difference in my opinion

    My counsellor feels the breakdown I had was partially to blame for the change in my personality, and led to the affair, but I hate to have to use this as an excuse. Regardless of why I cheated, the fact is I CHEATED and I can not EVER forgive myself for this!

    How long do I really give my husband/ex husband before I make the decision to walk away ... this is just adding to my stress! Waiting in limbo for 3 months is hard, and as much as I love him, I do not know if I can keep on living this life knowing that every day kills me a little bit more. I can't see any hope today at all :(

    Today has come as a bit of a shock as the last week has felt like a big improvement ... and wham, I have been hit back down to feeling like I don't want to go on :(
     
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry... I do kinda get how you feel though.

    The only thing you can really do is keep busy, I suppose.
    Even that is hard to do sometimes, though.
     
  8. Weezaxx

    Weezaxx Member

    I have a real busy week - but not even in the frame of mind to go through it! Maybe it being so busy will be good for me ... who knows :(