I am just a weirdo

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Mar 20, 2010.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I cheated on the love of my life. He will never talk to me again. It is more over than over. I let my daddy issues take over and I cheated on him with an older, married man. Never slept with the guy, but I made out with him and we went out a few times. My ex bf found out. I am scum for messing with a married guy and as a result, my ex will never talk to me again.
    Still, my ex did countless things to me and never gave me the attention I deserved until I cheated! He acted like he forgave me, but he really didn't.


    I ruin every friendship I have. I am an elitist bitch. People mistake me for arrogant.. I don't think that is who I am, but maybe they are right. I guess a part of me does think I am better. Not that I am better, but I have suffered to an extent that they will never understand so I think that automatically makes me smarter.

    Today my mother was even ridiculing me with a friend of mine. They make fun of me for walking fast at the mall. They make fun of me for stopping to talk with a guy. They make fun of me for everything and everything and everything.

    WHY AM I THE WAY I AM? WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL? WHY DO I LIKE TO SKIP SOMETIMES EVEN THOUGH I AM AN ADULT? WHY WAS I WALKING FAST IN THE MALL? WHY DO I STILL CHEW ON PENS? WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?
    XD XD I guess I'm just a weirdo...
     
  2. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Finally, why can't I just fall asleep the minute I get to bed like normal people do?
     
  3. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I seriously just want to end it... It really isn't fair. It isn't fair the way my mother humiliated me today. She had to embarrass me in front of my friend too. I am a grown woman and I still have to deal with this. I can not handle this anymore. I am so pathetic. I even talked to this loser guy today who just uses me to come by and see if he can mess with me. We've never slept together, but he really has no interest in me. How stupid was I to agree to meet with him today after he called me a bitch a few weeks ago because I still would not sleep with him. I brought him in my house. My mom called me an idiot afterwards. I really am dumb. I just like to be with a man sometimes though. I really just wanted to kiss. Still, I was wrong for agreeing to see him. We have known each other since August and he just will come by for a short while and leave. We've never had sex, we just kind of make out. I guess I am too ugly, too weird, or too stupid to be seen out in public with. He has only taken me out once.
     
  4. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I just tried to wake up my mother to give her a piece of my mind. She just screams. I really just want to end it. If not end it, I want to get a razor and cut.. I haven't cut since high school. I remember what a release it was. One night, I even cut my legs when I was 16. I had an older boyfriend who would always cheat on me. He was 21. He was such dirt. I can't believe I liked him. To this day, he still calls me. I haven't seen him in two years. A part of him still believes there is a chance. Nostalgic me answers the phone, my voice trembles, and I try to start telling him how great my life is now. How wonderful everything really is.
     
  5. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    My head is pounding, but I just can't sleep. :asd: I am so sad and mad and sad and mad. I am lost and I really need help and it is not o.k. I doubt I will ever find redemption. I am feeling so bad that I am thinking of going to confession.
     
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    ahhh no! ><
    Reading your posts makes me feel so sad...
    The problem isn't you, chicago-- it's the people you associate yourself with.

    You can see that, can't you?
    You deserve much better from people, you really do!
     
  7. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. You are so right. I am surrounded by cold people who can't love others for who they are.
     
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    you need to tell your mother how much she hurt you in the mall

    as a parent i can tell you that we don't always see how much teasing can bother our kids as they get older

    and as for normal - i still skip too

    and my family always has to tell me to slow down in the mall

    i don't chew on pens, but i still:

    • watch new cartoons
    • play video games
    • bake cookies
    • lick the spoon

    i have a t-shirt i bought a long time ago that says "i may be getting older, but i'll never grow up"
     
  9. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all the support. I talked to my mom today once she was in a better mood. I don't think she realized that she was hurting me. Anyway, tonight was a better night. I got out of the house at least. If only I could get some sleep. Finally, it is always good to be young at heart and I will skip until I am an old lady! o_O
     
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    damn straight

    :bounce:
     
  11. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    More adults should skip when they walk. It would make life more fun.
     
  12. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    You should also tell your mom and her friend that they're just jealous cause they're 20-30 years closer to dying than you. That would shut anyone up. lol
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2010