I do not really think I am suicidal but I find myself looking out of my 30th floor office window thinking wouldn't it be nice to end it all. I think it more and more often these days. I'm headed for the weekend with negative money in my account, no way to even feed my dogs. I'm on my second marriage and I just turned 30, and am seriously considering ending it b/c I didn't know he had a drug problem. This problem is the main reason for the no money, and he has about killed my self esteem. He is the world's biggest asshole when he is not on his drug of choice. I just cannot handle the constant worry anymore, being the only one bringing any money in, and I can't even do that right anymore. I am sick of people and BS and the world at the moment. There is so much I am sick of, I don't even want to go into it all. So much I am ashamed to write, even to strangers. Just...UGH!!!