I just can't imagine ever feeling better. I've been struggling with depression for 30 years now, and have been suicidal for more than 20. I have no idea why I am still here except that my attempts in my teens and 20s were not successful because I didn't know enough to do it the right way, and now that I DO know how to do it correctly, I don't have the courage to go through with it or the blindness to the effects it will have on others that I have a responsibility to (mostly my children). But I can't live like this anymore. I don't think there is anything that will help me, because I've tried it all. I've absolutely *never* been happy. What kind of existence is that?