I am literally tearing my hair out on a daily basis, I get so angry, far too easily now, and I felt like shit for it, because sometimes I can look at a friend and think, "I just want to kill you." There's nothing that really triggers this anger, it seems to just attack me in waves, waves that get stronger each time, and pound me more ferociously each time. Then, there's fact I just hate everything about anyone, the moment I can pick out one thing about someone that I hate, I instantly hate them. There's very few exceptions to the rule. One exception is this girl called Jade at college, whom reminds me exactly of Courtney, I recently saw her smoking, and I despise smoking, and so normally hate all smokers. However, I don't despise her, in a sense I quite like her, though I never talk to her, I would quite like to, perhaps next time I pass her in college I shall say, "Hi," to see if I can spur on a conversation, or perhaps if she's wearing a shirt that I like, maybe and Avenged Sevenfold one or something, I'll compliment her shirt and music taste. I wouldn't mind becoming friends with her. And now for my misery, I am miserable 24/7 perhaps 7-8 months of the year, where the other 4-5 months is normal feelings, or mania. Nothing triggers them as such, if so, it's very VERY small things that do so. I really do hate myself. Which brings me back to the hate. I am no exception to my own rule, I have found so much of me to hate, I epitomize the term "self-loathing". I really do hate myself, more than anyone could ever hate me, which leads me to question, why should I be so afraid of social contact, knowing someone hates me does not effect me, as I hate myself more than they hate me. Gah, I'm sorry for leaving you with such a long and pointless post.