It's almost 12 weeks since my best friend and the love of my life, B, committed suicide. It seems like things are getting harder and harder with time, and not easier and easier like everyone keeps sayin it will. I'm not yet at the stage where I'm ready to move on and just look at the good memories and be happy with that. Things are getting harder. I'm feeling pressure from everyone and everything. I am far behind at school, and the teachers are starting to get mad at me because I keep asking for more time to do my work because I'm having such a hard time concentrating. I don't know what to do. I have no one to talk to anymore. Most people thing I'm ok, and that I'm not sad anymore. Wrong. Every time I bring it up for my friends, they just try to laugh it away (yes, that's terrible) or they just try to avoid talking about it and start talking about something else. I understand them though, it's not easy to know what to say to me.. I don't have enough money at the time to go talk to a psychologist or something like that... I can't take this anymore. It is just all too much. I miss B so much, and it is making everything so hard. The only thing keeping me up at this time is knowing that in the summer I will go back to the U.S. and meet all my lovely friends that I miss so much. But before that I have to graduate, and school is so hard, as I explained and I am starting to lose control. I know that if I knew of one easy, not painful way to end my life, I would. That scares me.