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I Am Not "Dealing" Today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rai02, Sep 1, 2011.

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  1. Rai02

    Rai02 Active Member

    Today has been one of those days indeed.

    Saw my therapist today. We talked about some stressful things. I wish I did not have to deal with that stuff anymore. I wish I had a magic wand and could make it all "go away." But that is not reality.
    I have thought more about killing myself today than ever before. I use to have the plan in my head on how it was going to play out. Well, today, I would have settled for damn near anything or anyway I could have means to.

    Life is not supposed to be this way. I should not have to think this way. I wish I had someone to talk to. I mean, really, really talk to. I feel alone. I am afraid of me right now. I am scared of what I might do. I am afraid to be alone, yet am dying to be left alone.
    I just wish things would get better...
  2. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    It's really hard when you go into a therapy session and get all those feelings out. They made me cry so many times, it wasn't even funny. But that was the beginning of my sessions, and it did get easier. Your releasing alot of emotions, it's understandable that your feeling worse right now. The important thing is, if you feel like your coming close to a suicide attempt, call and ask for help, don't let yourself follow through with the feelings. You can get stronger in fighting those thoughts, but it takes time, and a want to get better.
  3. kaykay1126

    kaykay1126 Member

    I know the exact feeling. It is hard to find a happy medium (no pun intended...) when all you want to do is be left alone. On the other hand being alone is what you shouldn't be... I hope you will continue seeing your therapist. When you say you need someone to "really, really talk to," this is better than no one no matter how tough it can be. *Hugs*
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