I Am Not Going To Kill Myself Today.....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Oct 21, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    ...but I would like to.

    Tomorrow we will celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary. She is still getting child support money from me. The divorce has not been cancelled yet. Prolly in November.

    And right now, at the very instant, I am craving alcohol worse than I have in months.

    Add to that I am a pathetic failure. Now my job is in jeopardy too. WTF?

    I have no confidence, I have no redeemable social skills. All I do is play drums at church, that's it. That's the extent of my social involvement.

    I even start smoking cig's again, behind my wife's back.

    And this job thing, well if I can't turn around my f up's quick I may be fired by year's end.

    And back on the homefront, well the wife still refers to things as their stuff and mine, and not OURS.

    Somedays I think it would have been better had I gone thru with what I had intended to go thru with last fall.

    Hell...it's a been a year and I still want to die. that should tell you all you need to know about this looser.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't see a loser at all i see a person fighting for his family. for his children No no loser a real fighter I hope your job situation stabilizes and i hope you continue to fight the urges of the drink anyway. The cigarettes well if you have to have one so be it you can't fight everything at once.
  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I can't drink, or I am out on the street. If she finds out I am smoking, I am out on the street. WTF? I was happier when I was miserable and alone. At least then I had someone who really truly loved me.

    I know what I am going to do. I am going to tough it out til the Chapter 7 bankrupcty thing is done, and then I am going out east to try and patch up things with my old g/f. And then there is a place out there I should be able to get work at. And I am going to start my life over. Even if that means doing so without my kids. At least I will be alive.
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2009
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Your alive now, and your kids need you. You're not a loser, or a failure, or anything like that.

    Please don't take that drink. :hug:
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I am ok now. I just let that stupid review trigger me. I hate it when things get to me like that.
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