I Am Not Ok!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jewel 24, Mar 19, 2008.

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  1. Jewel 24

    Jewel 24 Active Member

    It's 11:04p and I am sittting on my dad's computer surfing the web b/c I can't sleep and have not been able to sleep for days. Why I am at my dad's house? B/c I got evicted from my apartment for not paying me rent. My dad does not want me here and my mother told me to go to a homeless shelter! On top of that I got dismissed from college b/c I failed most of my classes b/c I was too depressed or too manic to go! The one joy I find in life is encouraging youth at my home church but even that is being taken away from me. Many feel b/c of my age I don't know what I am doing and have no right to encouarge and inspire youth. There is only one thing that keeps me from checking out of life and that is my pride and joy my baby brother. He is so special to me! But I don't know if that will be enough to keep me much longer. I don't feel I can go on! I don't want to go on! The fact that I am still here is a miracle in itself. I am lonely. I feel unloved, unwanted and a burden to everybody. I need some help!
  2. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    Firstly, you're not a burden and I'm sorry you're going through this :sad: I can't relate to being kicked out but I too have had to quit college cos I was failing everything and couldn't bring myself to go...biggest mistake of my life tbh cos now I won't have A levels and everyone is telling me I'll get nowhere in life without them (I don't even need them for what I want to do though but that's besides the point) I'm not much help but if you need to talk or anything just PM me

  3. Jewel 24

    Jewel 24 Active Member

    Thanks x.R.x! you do help. It helps knowing that I am not the only one that had to take a "break" from college. I felt like such a failure when I left college but at the same time I was relieved that I didn't have to deal with that anymore. My whole family is so upset and don't understand why I couldn't cut it. I know I need to go back b/c in the area where I live you either go to college or work in a call center for the rest of your life. Plus I'll have to start paying on my student loans if I don't go back to school.

    You mentioned you don't need people for what you want to do? What is it you want to do?
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Jewel, welcome and glad you found us...it sounds like so many things have happened recently...and it seems, we feel they happen because there is something wrong with us...plese know that you are not a burden, in fact from the things you say mean the most to you, you sound like a caring, giving person...have you spoken to someone about your depression? maybe, tht would be a helpful place to start to change the course of things...please know there are so many ppl here who understand what you are going through...please continue to post and let us know how you are doing...welcome again, and wishing you some light in your path...big hugs, J
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Jewel. I'm so sorry that so many hardships came upon you at the same time. Many people have a hard time with college and are forced to leave it for a while. When you are ready then you can give it another shot. I'm sorry that your parents are being somewhat less than supportive right now. I guess they don't understand that you're going through a difficult time right now and need help. Please don't harm yourself hun. Everyone goes through difficult times at some point in their lives. Hang in there. :hug:
  6. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    I am in a similar situation right now.. this is a tough period of life for everybody, I think. :hug:
  7. Melmoth the Wanderer

    Melmoth the Wanderer Well-Known Member

    I'm dropping out of college, too. I feel better now that I've made the decision. Before, I was anxious about how far behind I was, but I was too apathetic to try to catch up. I'm simply fed up with the whole system and tired of spending money on professors who frustrate and enrage me to the breaking point. (Sorry to rant)

    If it helps you feel any better, I don't think you're missing much. :biggrin:

    I'm sorry that you're not getting any support from your family. Have you tried to explain in detail why college didn't work out? Does your mother or father ever have periods, even brief or mild ones, of depression and/or mania so that they can begin to relate? My mother's been understanding so far, but I doubt my father will be as encouraging when he finds out. :unsure:

    Are you completely banned from inspiring youth at church, or are other people trying to discourage you? I'm asking because if church helps you, you need to pursue it and try to ignore the nay-sayers around you. I know all too well that this is easier said than done, but it's something to consider.
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