I Am Nothing

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by demuredawn, Jan 11, 2014.

  1. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    I'm not worth your time or words or thoughts. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, I am simply stating the facts. I am not worthy of any of it, and whats more I barely even care if I am anymore. I don't want to cause anymore upset. I don't want to be upset. I don't want to cause anymore hurt, but I also don't want to hurt. I am therefore glad I can finally be numb and all of you can find ways of ignoring me... or just being happy when I do not speak to you. Maybe then we can all get along... at least til I finally decide I've had enough and just leave. I guess thats the only thing I've not done yet, made the decision to leave. Not sure why I'm making this post even, maybe its just a rant... maybe its my way of starting to say good bye.... maybe its really just me being the bitch a lot of you already have decided I am.. you decide, I'm tired of thinking.
     
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Dawn, no one is a nothing. Even though most of us feel that way sometimes. And most of us on this site feel it more often and more deeply than others. But I've seen a number of your posts. Seen how much you care for people on this site. Seen how you try to help them, to raise their spirits, to offer encouragement. A 'nothing' would not do that. Yeah, the talk in chat and the responses to posts can get rather harsh (to put it mildly). But please don't let them determine how you feel about yourself. Just leave chat for a while when it gets too harsh, hits too close. I know that can be hard to do. You want to defend yourself. Get others to understand. But sometimes it is better to retreat and come back to fight another day. Also, some people here just aren't worth the effort of trying to convince. Fortunately, not many are that way. But why waste time on the few that are. I hope you stay here. I hope you overcome the numbness you feel. That would, at least, open the door to feeling something good.
     
  3. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    It isn't numbness that I feel.... and what I feel is not good.
     
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    When I said "I am glad I can finally be numb" ... was a bit of a misdiagnosis.... its not the true numbness, but i'm not sure how else to describe it, its akin to numbness, but its not the same, if that makes sense.
     
  5. Arun

    Arun Well-Known Member

    Dawn, i think you need to give yourself one of your own hug tokens. You are entitled to a hug and so much more.

    Ranting is good, it helps to express some of the pain and hurt and despair. Saying goodbye is not :( I agree 100% with She Bear - you are not nothing, whatever your brain tells you. You are not nothing whatever other people tell you. You have impacted my life for the good on here. You are your dogs momma.
     
  6. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    ty... i hope i really have impacted you for the good...
     
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I don't think you're a bitch, or unwanted here, or anything like that. I'm sorry if anyone has made you feel that way...I know how some people can be here, I've been told some truly shocking and hurtful things by people I thought were my friends. But you can't let that get you down, if someone has a negative opinion of you, that's their own wrong view...I hope you do stay and keep posting because your presence is very welcome here, and you have already touched a lot of people's lives. Let us show you the same compassion and support.
     
  8. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Demure, you've been so supportive to me. I'm sorry that some people have let you down, but I'm sure the majority that you do reach out to really appreciate you. You're a wonderful person, no matter what others think. I encourage you to think positive thoughts and dismiss the negativity that gets in your way. If chat room is a trigger, perhaps don't go on there anymore, or at least limit it. Stay strong!!! You are loved.
     
  9. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    i just want death
     
  10. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    sometimes I wonder if death is the only answer
     
  11. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    its not an answer, its just an eventuality, but that doesn't stop me from craving it at times
     
  12. Sky1

    Sky1 Member

    Hey Dawn,

    I think to many, maybe more than you realize, you are worth the time, words, and thoughts of our day. To me you are, and I can't be the only one, look at the people who have posted here =). If I can piggyback off what She Bear has mentioned, some people won't be convinced even if you have the most persuasive words and thoughts. That can be immensely frustrating, and that coupled with a strong desire for them to understand leads to more tension, but we have to have patience and understanding ourselves during those times. Knowing that some people simply won't hear, listen, or perceive our point of view so it may be best to just to dial back in those cases. Some people have to see for themselves and that is the only way they change their minds. That doesn't mean we stop being there for them, but we can change how we react to them.

    I hope you won't leave because you are a good exemplar of how to be supportive of people. None of us are perfect Dawn, and for our whole lives here we surely never will be. That doesn't mean we gotta give up though. I know you strive to do more right than wrong, no one is gonna do it right 100% of the time, not me or anyone else, but we all try, and you try incredibly hard so I hope you won't get down on yourself. You are worth way more than that and I hope, in time, your mind will come around to see that.

    Take it easy and take care.