My heart is racing and the numbness I feel creeps over me like a dark wave. I have cut myself off from my friends and deleted my Facebook account. No matter what they say, I provoked him and terefore I didn't call the police. Besides, if I did the consequences would be worse than a few bruises and a black eye. I have the bottle of Vicodin in one hand and my drink in the other. What stops me is ironic. We can't afford the hospital bill or the ambulance bill. I can't afford any type of help so I quietly suffer in my room with my pills and alcohol. I drive drunk without a seat belt hopin and praying I will crash. I don't have anything anymore! My marriage is over but can't afford to get divorced. My promotion at work was taken away and I had to train my replacement. I don't want to eat anymore. I have no kids I am 42 and have NOTHING to live for. So if I am gone what difference would it make? All I leave is just a bunch of debt. My "son" of 16 yrs died in my arms Easter Monday. My Chihuahua was all I had left. No one knows how I feel I keep it all inside! I am scared of feeling numb. It is too much to bear. I burn my arm with my cigarette just to feel alive. I go to work and put up my facade. I feel as if my days are numbered and I will take my life any day now. I have no other options. We have no insurance to seek help.