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I am ok with being done....

#1
Woke up with a strange feeling this morning. Like most people, I do not want to die....I mean who does, however existing is not living. I adore my family, and I mean adore, but I have so much going on in addition to the anxiety, depression, ocd and ptsd. My autoimmune disease is debilitating...it alters facial features, moves teeth, etc. The medsI am taking are causing weight gain and I cannot afford to gain weight...in fact it’s been another life long battle of my mine. I have swollen, stiff hands, sores inside my nose (sorry to be graphic), etc. I really am done. Though I am soooo afraid of death, I am almost welcoming it. I will not take my own life as I also strongly believe you go to hell if you do....and my family would be devastated....but seriously, if I came down with a terminal disease I would be happy. Last year I remember sitting at my Mammogram wishing they would find something. How sick is that? Dying from a Physical illness is so much more acceptable.
God, I so love my family.....but really, this is torture.....pills aren’t going to solve it. To think 4 years ago at this time I was enjoying life to the fullest, physically and mentally.....now I pray to die...it is so unreal....beyond unreal actually. A true nightmare.
Blessings to all.
 

Jsinjin

SF Supporter
#2
I so completely understand. I realized how bad off I was when I started praying for a terminal disease. It's so difficult. I hope you can take steps to get back to fulfillment. The steps are so tiny and it feels like the race to the bottom.was a waterslide.
 
#3
I so completely understand. I realized how bad off I was when I started praying for a terminal disease. It's so difficult. I hope you can take steps to get back to fulfillment. The steps are so tiny and it feels like the race to the bottom.was a waterslide.
happy that someone gets it. Would you say that you are better now?
 

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