I was supposed to end myself last Monday but I didn't. I talked to a friend who called the polce who popped round to check I wasd alive. I have been depressed a LONG time. I have been planning this end for 6+ months. I am drunk, I have painkillers and all the razor blades I need. I know where to cut (along the blue line) I know to cut deep and I know to make sure I have plenty of time before people find me., But even now at what I think of as the end I have a nagging doubt. My landlord sees that I havent paid my last rent, but I could be homeless. I have no money, but I suppose family could help. I have made things as hard at the end as I cod manae., *I am isollated, jobless, drunk, and ready"... but even now I don't know 100% that this ois the rigbht course. I don't far after death repurcussions... I am a little sad my mum didnt die before me, but I cant really ait any longer. I worry that I will fail and end up in a psyche ward. I want this to be the end but think that deep down I will saobotage myself.