I am over it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CivicSI, Nov 17, 2007.

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  1. CivicSI

    CivicSI New Member

    I find myself sitting here at my desk at college at 11:26 pm on a Saturday night. I would love to be happy, to be out with friends, to be at party or watching a movie. Instead, I find myself sitting here thinking about the past three years and how horrible they have been. From a terribly abusive boyfriend I left, to going in and out of court trying to get him behind bars for the things he did, to the terrible roommate I had, and the horrible environment I am in. I have struggled and fought in vain each and every day to get through things, to get through the sexual, physical and emotional abuse I endured, to convince myself there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. To get through college, and go to work on top of it. I went to a therapist for several months who concluded that I was "cured" and didn't have to see her anymore after about ten sessions. I'm lost. I was once a straight A student. Now I'm failing some of classes, and can't even bring myself to do my work or go to class. I don't understand how its come to this point. Tonite, I ponder my reasons for wanting to end it and how to end it. I am sick of having each day be a battle.
  2. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member

    that really sucks to hear

    thats great your at school and that you went to court
    that mustve pretty fucking hard to do

    is there anyway you can maybe start seeing the therapist again?
    can i ask what your job is?
    what are you taking in school?

    i know it sucks
    i really do

    but dont sell yourself out yet
    youve made it so far already

    iccould never go to school and hold a job
  3. CivicSI

    CivicSI New Member

    I have to say going to court tore me up inside, having to see him there even after we were broken up. I had to go several months in a row, right when I had first started college. I work at a dental office now and am a fulltime student seeking a double degree in Spanish and Art. On the outside my life looks great, but the emotional meltdowns and anxiety have gotten so bad, I have decided to complete this semester and then take a semester off. I know I've made it sorta far, but it just seems like all this pain, anxiety, and emotional issues will never end, no matter how hard I fight them. I know I need to be in therapy again, but the therapists never seem to really understand whats going on. Thanks for your support tho, I very much appreciate it. :smile:
  4. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member


    if a semester off helps...
  5. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    Stay strong CivicSI and welcome to SF :hug:
  6. klintmad

    klintmad Active Member

    Hi? sometimes. we may feeel as what you feeel right now. we remeinsce about our past,ryt? But you know what, Why don't you ty to think all of the good memories? you deserve to reminisce those good memories and those negatives are just your lessons that may help you to boost your self esteem. Everybody has the reason, and we are created by a reason. Think of it. Do not stick your mind in a thing that will destruct you a lot. Stop those stup id memories!

    you can visit this also:
  7. CivicSI

    CivicSI New Member

    Thanks Guys. Just being able to talk it out with people who understand and have felt the same at one time or another has helped. I appreciate everyone's understanding.
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know, I say it a lot but support groups some times are far better than therapists. You are surrounded by people who are or were where you are now. They do understand and want to help the best they can. Just like SF. Welcome aboard and never hesitiate to post when things are down.
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