I am pathetic.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Brandon Kwon, Mar 16, 2016.

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  1. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    I'm tired of feeling alone and unloved. I'm tired of closing my eyes and seeing the visions of the love I will never have. I'm tired of dreaming about relationships that will never be. I'm tired of the voices telling me how pathetic I am, how no woman could ever love me. How I'm worthless and should kill myself.

    I am sick of the pain, please, just fucking take my brain out of my body.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi @Brandon Kwon You need to find coping mechanisms, what do you think would help you right now in a realistic view? Who said you are pathetic? whoever did, I'm here to tell them they lied. To be honest, I feel a guy will never truly love me, I have a boring personality and very over weight but I still have hope. Why do I have hope? Because there are 3 billion men out there that ''could'' love me for me. I hope you can get through these dark thoughts safely. Know you are not alone hun!!
    sahel likes this.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry you're struggling. You are not pathetic and anyone who said that to you are horrible liars!

    Like Petal said you need some coping mechanisms. You need to learn some ways to slow down those racing negative thoughts. It's all they are, thoughts.
    You never know who might love you tomorrow. Or the day after, you never know what is around the corner.

    Are you getting any help at all?

    Don't give up and let your thoughts win over you.
  4. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    I really don't know what would help me right now...A lot of people call me pathetic on a daily basis. You and I are one in the same, I have a boring personality and I'm overweight. (I really don't care about my weight all that much but it seems many women do.) I ran out of hope a long time ago. But at least I'm not alone.

    Then I meet a lot of liars.

    I need a coping mechanism but I can't seem to find one.
    I've been told that pretty much my whole life. It only came true once and I fucked it up, so I'm pretty sure I fucked up my one chance at love and happiness.

    I'm not really seeing a therapist right now because it's impossible to find one who will take someone with no insurance around here...Not that I really think therapy will help, it's never helped before.

    I'll try...
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Please do try, you deserve to let yourself be helped. Are you in school? If you are do they have counselors there?

    You're young, you have so many years to meet someone nice. It really can happen and I believe it will for you too. Don't stress about it. Focus on you for now, and before you know it it'll happen.
  6. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    I don't start school till the summer. I think they have counselors there though, yeah.

    I don't want to focus on me. I can't help me. I can't fix myself. I don't care about myself, I prefer caring about others. I care about my friends and my mom and that's it.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Have you tried internet dating? I wouldn't do it myself (well I have in the past and no harm came from it) but some people have great success. If you need to break the mood just use some humour, that's what I usually do. As my sister always says being over weight is not permanent, maybe try and lose some weight to boost your confidence at least and for health reasons?
  8. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    I've tried internet dating, all I got were people trying to scam me out of money.

    Eh, I don't really have any interest in losing weight. I can't really exercise because of heart problems and I have ZERO interest in calorie counting, I don't eat a lot of junk anyway, I just eat a lot of food.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I had no interest in losing weight (well I did but couldn't do it) until I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes last week. I've lost 6 lbs in the last week. Do it for your health, maybe start going to the gym? You might even meet some decent women there.

    Sorry about the scams you were caught up in, some girls are real fucktards, there's no excuse for it, pure evil. There are so many girls out there you could meet and potentially date if you upped your self esteem and confidence, that is key :) I wish you all the best.
  10. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Again, I can't go to the gym because of a heart problem. I was specifically told not to do much exercise at all.

    It was pretty irritating I must admit. I know if I upped my self-esteem and confidence I'd probably have tons of women. But I don't think my confidence or self-esteem are ever going to go up. So I'll probably just be a miserable fuck until I die. :/

    Thanks for the well wishes though.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    *hugs* Have you considered therapy to adjust your low self esteem and confidence? There's a woman out there for you, you just have to find her. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there saying they would love a boyfriend and someone genuine, you are that genuine person :)
  12. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    *hugs* Yeah, I've considered it but I doubt it's gonna do anything. I've lost all faith in therapy. And I'm sure she's out there somewhere. But I don't know where and I'll probably end up offing myself before I find her. :/
  13. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    See? this is your own word and it shows that you are a caring and kind person. Don't lose your hope and don't let other's unjustified comments about your personality get into you. You will find a nice person because you deserve it:)
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