I am ready to just give up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by taffany, Feb 13, 2007.

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  1. taffany

    taffany Member

    I am ready to just give up.It seems like no one cares any more. I am tired of trying my kids dont listen, I am in a endless marriage with what seems like no way out. Yesterday was my aniversery after 6 of being married and 8 being togeather you think I would matter to him? Hell no all I am is a just a big FAT blob of nothing. I tell him all the time that I am trying to loose the weight he says the weight dont matter to him that he loves me but you no what he sure has a funnie way of showing it. He hates to go places with me and when he does he rushes me as if he is imbarsed by being with me. I have tryed to get help for us both but he just plays the game. I hate that I am traped in this body and the real me is under all the fat and uglyness. I just want the pain to stop all the hurt. Tomarow is one day closer to my baby being dead for 8 years I should have been the one that God took not her she was inocent and had not lived I have and I am going no whare fast. My kids need a real mom one that can be there for them not one that is ugly and fat. My friends say take your meds you need them it will get better but it does not after 5 years it has only got worse. I dont no what to do any more. I prey that this will be the that God will finally let me just go to sleep and never wake up again.I hate myself. My kids need some one that can take care of them. Not me. I could not even be there for my sister when she lost her baby and she has cancer and i cant do shit to help her cause I cant help me. any way sorry for taking up this space
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear Taff,I'm deeply sorry for the way you're feeling and I sure hope your husband is feeling like that about you.In terms of your kids needing a mum that's not fat and ugly I'm really sorry that you feel that way and I wish you weren't.I do understand what it's like taking meds years on end and the situation not improving much and you feeling so helpless and guilty.
    I just want you to understand I do know how it feels to suffer in such a way,I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your baby I can't describe how you must be feeling and nothing I can say will make it easier I'm sure and know.
    In terms of you saying your kids need someone who can take care of them,in this case you're unwell because it's not your fault and it's not like you aren't trying and I understand how you feel you're letting them down.
    Don't apologize for nothing you've been struck badly by this disatrous illness and it makes life unbearable,and I know you're doing everything you can because I know what it's like others cant see it perhaps but I do even though I don't know you personally I do know enough that you don't like feeling the way you do and are fighting like anyone can and even better to get well.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni


    1. Have you had any grief counselling to come to terms with the loss of your baby?

    2. Have you joined a weigh watchers group or similar?

    3. Have you had your meds looked at recently (they may not be right for you now)?

    Don't be thinking your kids dont want their mum, cos they do!!! My mum was in and out of mental hospitals when I was growing up, but she was still my mum and I needed her sick or well. Tell you something else too, they don't care if your a size 10 or a size 22 you are their mum!!!

    Please feel free to pm me if I can help with support on losing the weight, finding a grief support group etc.. Or you just want to chat.
  4. taffany

    taffany Member

    I Have Been Trying For 2 Years To Have The Gastric By Pass I Keep Getting Deined From Medicade. All I Do Is Keep Getting Sicker And Fatter. I Have Tryed All The Weight Losse Diets From Attikns To Wetight Watchers,my Doc Is Agrement That The By Pass Is About My Only Opption Now To Get All The Weight Off. And I Have Looked In To Groups For Grief Over My Baby But I Am Afaird To Leave The House Cause Of What People Say About Me. I Am Not Just A Little Over Weight I Weigh 500 Lbs. So Even If I Wanted To Get Out Of The House It Is Really Hard To Get Out Of Here And My Kids Are Little Not Big. I Just Wish It Was All Over That The Real Me Could Be Out Not Stuck In This Horbil Body. My Mind Is Just As Bad As My Body,my Threapist Says I Need To Look At All The Good Things About Me. What Good Things? It Is So Hard To Look Past The Ugly And Bad Things
  5. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Taff I'm really sorry for the way you're feeling and I'm not going to sit here and it's just going to be okay like it's an easy fix because I know it's not.And it's not fair and right that I say do this and do that because it's easier said thatn done it's reality sadly but I do feel your pain and know exactly you dont want to feel like this.
    Anyone who says anything to you about your body is an insecure imbecile,kids will say things especially because thats the way they're but especially adults are the ones who have no excuses.Taff I'm so sorry I cant make u feel so much better if there's anything at all I can do please let me know.
  6. taffany

    taffany Member

    Well Here It Is Medically I Started To Bleed Again Last Night. Yahoo Just What I Wanted @@ I Was Messed And Jacked Around With For Over A Year At The Last Weight Loose Center They Were Told I Was On Limmited Time To Have The Gastric By Pass Done And They Messed Around And Around And Now There Is Nothing My Ob Can Do For Me. Because Of My Weight He Can Do The Hystorectomy That I Needed So Bad. And That I Have Started To Bleed Again There Is Nothing That Can Be Done To Stop It. So I Guess God Is Giving Me What I Wanted A Way To Die Just Not The Way I Had Hoped I Guess Wheat A Great System We Live In Called America Where Some Asshole Gets To Decied Who Gets Help And Who Dont
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Taff, my husband's Mother was VERY overweight (she was finally given gastric after YEARS of trying). Just know that your kids at least probably don't care about your weight. My hubby said that he never wanted her to lose weight because of how comfy and warm her lap was. She was his Mother and he can never remember being embarrassed about her. Also, your husband says he loves you and the weight doesn't matter. Are you sure you are not projecting your own feelings of self-loathing onto him? He could be telling the absolute truth! Anyway, it can take a long time to get approved for this kind of surgery, but it still happens. Try to take care of yourself and please hang in there. I hope you get better.
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