I am ready to just give up.It seems like no one cares any more. I am tired of trying my kids dont listen, I am in a endless marriage with what seems like no way out. Yesterday was my aniversery after 6 of being married and 8 being togeather you think I would matter to him? Hell no all I am is a just a big FAT blob of nothing. I tell him all the time that I am trying to loose the weight he says the weight dont matter to him that he loves me but you no what he sure has a funnie way of showing it. He hates to go places with me and when he does he rushes me as if he is imbarsed by being with me. I have tryed to get help for us both but he just plays the game. I hate that I am traped in this body and the real me is under all the fat and uglyness. I just want the pain to stop all the hurt. Tomarow is one day closer to my baby being dead for 8 years I should have been the one that God took not her she was inocent and had not lived I have and I am going no whare fast. My kids need a real mom one that can be there for them not one that is ugly and fat. My friends say take your meds you need them it will get better but it does not after 5 years it has only got worse. I dont no what to do any more. I prey that this will be the that God will finally let me just go to sleep and never wake up again.I hate myself. My kids need some one that can take care of them. Not me. I could not even be there for my sister when she lost her baby and she has cancer and i cant do shit to help her cause I cant help me. any way sorry for taking up this space