I have no energy left to fight with. I know it is the depression. But part of it is I am tired of fighting. I always used my daughter and grandaughter as deterints to keep me going. Now they live with me and my sister. I am responsible for them getting around because she doesn't have a car. I hate life but I try to stay positive. I know sooner or later I will commit!!! It is not how but when. I have no plans I just know how I'm going to do it and when doesn't matter. My daughter told me if I try again she will never forgive me, my nephew has told others that he has no use for people who try. He was talking loud enough for me to hear what he was saying. They have no idea what we go thru on a dailey basis just to be alive one more day! I am at the point where I don't give a damn what they think. I haven't had any friends for the last 15 years. The only ones who seem to care are my family. I don't know why because I don't tell them anything. When I commit they will be sad. But they will get over it. I don't know, 15 years of isolation is a long time not to be talking to anyone. I can feel myself closing off any communication with others. My life means absolutely nothing. Just because I have made a little progress in my therapy everyone thinks they can push me harder to getting better. Actually all they are doing is closing doors. I can feel myself slipping backwards and don't give a damn. I promised my shrink and my therapist from the hospital that when I am in crisis I would come back in. Well I can't do that because My daughter needs me to get around. I haven't figured that one out yet. I can't let her use my car because she has lost her license for two years.. Oh well I don't know why I made this thread. It really doesn't matter anymore. I have tried to stay positive but have run out of things to fall back on. I am sorry if I have hurt anyone when I was trying to help!!:chopper:!!