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I am scared of life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by abhivar, Dec 18, 2008.

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  1. abhivar

    abhivar Member

    I am 32 I am slowly giving up.My confidence to live fluctuates every now and then and words,talks do not help.I have no goal in my life and i am just scared of it.I feel ugly,worthless and insignificant.

    I am unable to focus and refuse treatement.I do not want to change and I want to change.I contradict my negative thoughts with positive thoughts and remain inactive.I do not want to change,even while writing this para,i am getting conflicting thoughts.My life is indeed a failure and a waste.I seek no help because i do not believe in talking help.I do not want my life,but I want life at the same time.I do not know what to do,i am not sure why I am posting here.
    I feel like a retard or a confused man,with goal in his life.I hate all cultures and I love all of them too.I have no goal in my life i am insignificant,i cannot feed my ego,i am not liking life.Arguments cannot win me,con selling cannot heal me.I do not want to change....
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Abhivar,

    Welcome to SF.

    Why do you not believe in taking help? Perhaps therapy can make you realize why you are so confused. You are not a retard. Don't give up hun, we are here for you :hug:
  3. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean abhivar, I know exactly what you mean. You're not alone if that's any comfort? Don't pressure yourself. You don't have to change. You don't have to decide. Just stop worrying and thinking non stop and just...be. I know that's easier said than done. But I think worrying constantly and being stuck in a place where you can't do this or that, can't live or die, can't decide which way to go just hurts unbearably. You don't have to do anything right now, you're young and you've got years and years to do whatever you want. Fuck society and what they say you 'have' to do or be, fuck getting treatment, if you don't feel it's for you, then don't do it. Fuck your own insecurities and pressures on yourself. It doesn't matter really, in the end, I mean if your suicidal you've got nothing to lose yknow?
    I do echo what sweetheart said, a therapist could help...even try one session. They're good because you can talk about yourself and moan and figure out stuff in your head that's driving you crazy :biggrin:
    I dunno, do whatever you want to do in the end. I know the position you're in though and it's like torture, so I hope things improve for you.
  4. abhivar

    abhivar Member

    beacause once one accepts helps,he or she becomes a patient.some one who has been or is being helped.I do not want to fall in to that category.
    i hate to compramise,it is all about me.

    Death is the only solution.
  5. abhivar

    abhivar Member

    I just cannot change my life ,i am so not happy or is it induced unhappiness?But is not induction of sadness result of unsatisfaction.I feel so stressed out and cannot focus on anything.I have firm belief that modern science has no solution to the so called depression or extreme lazyness or lethargy.

    I feel so value less,and tend to dwelve in the past.I do not like anything,i do not like to make friends,yet i am friendly with almost everyone at work.But cannot make good friends,may be i do not need any.for every thought there is a counter thought.I cannot decide on things at times,or perhaps i do not want to decide on things.Comparative analysis puts me in to the category of "nobodys" or kind of average persons( i severly dislike this).

    while struggle to be a nobody,there definately will be a point when I will not like myself after all and end life.
    This is not speculation but i see this happening.But why I am not doing it?I have hope? or is this love for life which I dislike at times?
  6. abhivar

    abhivar Member

    life has no value i need to finish myself real fast.
  7. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I don't see why it needs to have value? People say that a lot on here, life means nothing. To me, that's a liberating thing. There's no god, no rules, nothing means anything. You can do whatever you want when you let go of everything. Dunno, that's just my point of view. I don't want to be tied down. I know the only way I can achieve total happiness is through freedom.
  8. abhivar

    abhivar Member

    my view is the only view i chose to view from.

    why the fuck i cannot die,i want to end this suffering i have no intention to be happy,i do not want to be happy
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You know they have meds for irrational thinking and racing thoughts, also they have meds for mood swings. I know because I am on both of them.
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