I am scared of my mental illness

It really bothers me that I have these urges to commit suicide. I am schizoaffective/ocd which is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar mixed together. I am mostly bipolar. I believe that it is my chronic depression that causes me to want to harm myself. I am wondering if anyone here knows what I am talking about. I do love life and I can't face hurting the people who love me. I wish I could put into words what this shit does to people. Its like you're struggling just to feel better.

 

Hi you you said what i have been feeling for along time im scared of mental illness to the thoughts that are there knowing you never want to act on them but it hurts to have it inside. I hope you continue to post okay i can relate to your feelings so well hugs

 

I'm not much for extensive analysis of the feelings associated with mental illness, so I'm just going to ask: what treatment have you sought/received?

 

I can relate in the sense that being affraid of your thoughts. We wish they could just go away.

 

just had a fight with my housemate. he wants to sit there and antagonise me yelling ***** even though he said he wawsn't talking to me. It pissed me off. aoeu- pills.

 

That is a largely useless answer given how many varieties of pills there are. :\ Certain drugs will make your condition worse, and doctors seem blind to that fact for some reason.

Also, you sound to be in the "we don't know WTF to do" territory of mental illness, so I would suggest you try the advice in the link in my signature the next time you have an episode (either manic or depressive).

 

you asked me what treatment i am getting. please don't talk down to me. saphris,cogentin, and clonazepam.

 

I didn't mean to. I come off wrong, usually.

The drugs sound reasonable enough (I assume the Cogentin is for something else?) but they don't sound like they're working. You might try a new combination, and I also suggest the dark/yellow therapy in my sig, since it shows great promise in certain cases of psychotic illness (better than the most hardcore of meds for acute, hospitalization-worthy manias, as well as being basically the only effective treatment for rapid-cycling bipolar from what I understand, and have experienced), and doesn't hurt at all to try.

 

the cogentin helps with calming the side effects of saphris.

 

wish i had my clonazepam.