I am self neglecting.

[Petal]

Sure thing

Glad you enjoyed your chinese It's natural to feel different around new people or even nervous but it shouldn't go beyond that. Oh, you are in the state. I am not in the states so I don't know what help there is there for people with agoraphobia but I'm sure there has to be something. Do you think the Zoloft is doing more harm than good? I think it's strange to feel ''euphoric'' on zoloft, are you taking it correctly? Keep talking to us here, you're not alone

P.S Sorry for my delayed response - we're in different timezones.

 

[Somebody Else]

I haven't left our house for ten months now I did go outside before just for a ride to my grandma's house without people outside but that was months ago. I also kinda felt this way 5 years ago but I'm not this scared I just don't want people to see me unlike now I don't want to see anyone I'm scared of going out I don't want to go outside. I do get anxious every time I go outside every time I go to school ( I'm a dropout now) I can't deal with it anymore I don't want to feel that way again but I'm too scared to tell anyone what I'm feeling so I will hide everything as long as I can. ( I don't recommend this to anyone. Like petal said get help NOW) Hugs to you @steveb hope you get help ASAP

 

[steveb]

I quit all medications. I haven't taken Zoloft for about three years. I was on Zoloft for about two years. I have no doubt that Zoloft caused extreme mania. I'm terrified of medications and that is another reason why I'm afraid of trying to get help. Zoloft ruined my life. I attempted suicide twice while on Zoloft. When I attempt suicide again I will succeed as I now have a couple very lethal methods.

It was strange that I was euphoric. I think it was just a part of being bipolar. Because a few hours later I was very depressed. I just don't know anymore.

Somebody Else what are you doing to help yourself? Are you seeing a psychiatrist? You need to definitely get help also.

 

[steveb]

Last night I texted my ex wife just to tell her a friend I grew up with died. Anyways she did ask how are you doing. I just replied I' ll be dead very soon. And she said I don't know what to say or do. I told her before many times that the isolation will be the death of me.

Doing something, anything is better than doing nothing. I have asked her in the past to read about mental illness and she said I don't have to read about it because you tell me about it. She can't be bothered to waste her time reading something. People just don't give a damn. I don't understand how people can be so cold and just not be bothered at all.

 

[Somebody Else]

Sorry I'm bad at English

Somebody Else what are you doing to help yourself?

I'm trying to do things at home like cleaning and washing my dishes. I still can't go out yet. I will cut my hair tomorrow tho.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

No. I don't have any money to get one and no one knows that I'm going through.
Have a great day @steveb

 

[JmpMster]

I have been suicidal for several years. I just haven't been able to do the deed yet. My isolation is extreme with zero human contact in months. I do realize now that I have been self neglecting.

The last time I showered was 15 months ago. I don't brush my teeth. I don't change my clothes. I haven't done laundry for 15 months. I don't clean the house at all and haven't cleaned anything for 15 months. I haven't taken out the trash. I haven't thrown anything away. I hoard everything.

In April I went 17 days without eating anything. I have eaten very little in the past 2 weeks. I don't drive anymore and haven't left the house since April. For 2 weeks now I have been trying to order food but I haven't been able to get the courage. The only way I get anything is to have it delivered. There is also much more.

I have extreme OCD, depression, bi polar, anxiety and more. I live a life of pure hell. Extreme isolation has totally destroyed me. I don't know what to do, there isn't one person who gives a damn if I'm dead.

Can someone please tell me what I can do. I don't mind dying at all but don't want to suffer in death as I have in life. What will possibly happen to me?

Thank you.

Few things - first - psychiatric care is covered under MassHealth- so you can get care if you choose.
If you want actual help I would suggest calling 1-800-529-5077 . That is your local mental health crisis number- they can assist you with virtually every issue you have mentioned.

 

[steveb]

I never heard of this until last Friday, I have every symptom listed.

Diogenes syndrome is most common in people with above average intelligence, are over 60 years of age, and live alone.
Have poor insight or comprehension of self-hygiene, public health, or safety

• Distrust of society or strangers
• Paranoia or general suspiciousness
• Aloofness or detachment
• Extreme social anxiety
• Obsessive compulsive tendencies
• Excessive hoarding or collecting of household items and waste
• Unsanitary or unsafe living conditions
• Poor nutrition or diet
• Unwillingness to accept outside help or intervention
• Fear or distrust of medical professionals and settings
• Hostility and aggression towards others
• A distorted concept of reality
• Skin conditions from uncleanliness such as dermatitis passavitis.

 

[steveb]

NyJmpMaster, I live in RI and cannot use Mass Health. In the past I did exhaust all possible avenues of help. I am on a permanent disability and on Medicare. When on Medicare it is much more difficult to get help.

A few years ago I went to Butler and was turned away because I said I was not actively suicidal at the time. And I talked to every psychiatrist I could find, they all refused to help me. When asked what was wrong I was honest and told the truth. I should have lied, because if I lied they would have helped me. Several told me they were not accepting new patients. After being told this I had my ex wife call and she said she was depressed and had anxiety, they said they would see her in less than a week. They want easy money and don't want to have to deal with someone with difficult mental Illnesses.

 

[Lara_C]

Steve, I found a clinical social worker in Lincoln, RI who treats hoarding disorder and accepts medicare. She also states she assists people "to access resources to address basic needs as well as work collaboratively with various providers/agencies" : https://iocdf.org/providers/maguire-dawn/

 

[steveb]

Thank you Lara_C, I'll try my best to call her tomorrow.

 

[alice202]

Hi Steve

I just read your post tonight. I think that isolation intensifies depression, and depression intensifies isolation. It keeps you in a downward spiral that is hard to break. Its hard to tell the illness from the effects of the drugs and the effects of being isolated. You sound like you don't even want to leave home.

One encouraging thing is that you've reached out by coming to this website and sharing your story. During my darkest moments I have found support online. I even found a course about overcoming depression that only cost $12. You can even get counseling and legal help online. If you have a doctor's diagnosis that could help with the legal issues arising from your debts.

I have been pretty far down and am finding my back to normal. I believe that it is possible for you to live a life that is happy and healthy. But you have to fight for it and you have to ask for help. Please keep posting and get get some medical /psych help in any way you can. You deserve it.

Alice

 

[steveb]

Alice, I have fantasies of being able to leave home again. I'm just very afraid. I have no trust in people as every single person I have ever known screwed with me and deserted me. I hate being a guinea pig with psychiatric drugs. I will always refuse to take them ever again. I hired an attorney a couple years ago and he screwed me big time. I'm losing my home because of him. I can't fight this alone, but I am completely alone. I really just want to be dead.

 

[Lara_C]

Thank you Lara_C, I'll try my best to call her tomorrow.

If it feels less stressful, you could e-mail her instead. I hope she can offer you some help and support, or at least put you in touch with others who can, the sooner, the better. Good luck!

 

[alice202]

Steve, it sounds like you've had some bad experiences. Please don't let the people who have hurt you take more from you than they already have. Some people cannot be trusted and will take advantage of others when we are weak. That doesn't mean nobody can be trusted. If you never take the risk to trust anyone, professional or otherwise, you can never get the help you need.

I don't think all drugs are bad, just because some are bad. But there are a lot of other non-drug things we can do to life the depression, like exercise. Just taking a walk every day gives me energy and lifts my mood. So does posting online.

I do know how it feels to be completely alone - I am pretty much all alone too. But at least we have this messageboard and the knowledge that others struggle in the same way to live a normal life and make connections.

Earlier this year I got kicked out of the apartment I had lived in for 17 years. I was probably a hoarder, and being kicked out gave me a chance to clean up my mess and start over in a new place. It was difficult and stressful, but my life is better now. I got rid of a lot of stuff, and I will keep getting rid of more. But I didn't do it until the situation that I feared actually happened.

I hope that one way or another your life gets better. I know it is possible. Keep posting Steve, people here do care about you.

Alice

 

[steveb]

Lara_C, I didn't mention that 18 months ago I did talk to a psychiatric social worker. She was kind enough and nice to talk to. I saw her for just a couple minutes and she told me there is nothing she can do until I am on drugs again. I refuse to be on any of these drugs. And I have been on many.

 

[steveb]

It is true that I trust no one. Not like I have anyone in my life anymore to trust now anyways. When your family and best friends turn on you for no reason how can you trust anyone? I don't want to not trust people, it is just how it is.

I will never have any faith in psychiatric drugs. I know from taking them for more than 20 years that they do not work for me. They honestly destroyed my life. I'm afraid of Psychiatrists mostly because the first thing they do is prescribe these drugs. Another thing is that I was on Benzos for 20 plus straight years. Why would they prescribe a drug for that long when it should only be used for several weeks? I believe because they profit from that.

I'm feeling very suicidal again but not sure if I can do it. I really want to though. My life is ruined beyond repair.

 

[alice202]

Steve, I share your feeling about psychiatrists. I have only been to two of them, one time each, and they acted like they were some kind of God. After that I have only talked to psychologists, who were helpful and supportive. I'm sure there are plenty of doctors who would be horrified by your experience with psychoactive drugs.

Winston Churchill said "When you're going through hell, keep going."

No matter how long and dark the tunnel is, there is a light at the end.

 

[Petal]

Why would they prescribe a drug for that long when it should only be used for several weeks?

Because they are afraid of how you would be without them? I was on xanax and valium for a number of years each time and I came off them safely and willingly, but yeah one doctor did tell me they were afraid of how my behaviour and panic attacks would be without them. They are controlled substances so I do think they should only be prescribed PRN (as needed). That I agree with you. But you need to find a way to help yourself out of your current situation. Ask the psych for a formal diagnosis, then go from there, you don't have to be medicated. Therapy can hep you tons. I believe you have it in you to get through this.

 

[steveb]

How do you message someone?

 

[Lara_C]

It is true that I trust no one. Not like I have anyone in my life anymore to trust now anyways. When your family and best friends turn on you for no reason how can you trust anyone?

I think it depends a lot on your expectations of other people. We are all imperfect and no one can be relied upon completely, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't trust anyone at all, just be realistic about what is fair and reasonable to expect from them. In the end, we need to rely on ourselves and take charge of our own health and well-being as far as possible, and avoid being too dependent on others as nobody can take over the responsibility we have for ourselves.