I am selfish

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Poppygirl, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. Poppygirl

    Poppygirl New Member

    I want to go away. I want to kill myself
    I have since I can remember . When I tell
    My husband this he says that I am selfish
    And a terrible person for even saying that.
    Maybe I am. I realized something today. I
    Thought my kids would be the answer.I
    Thought they would keep these thoughts
    Away. I expected them to save me
    But even they are not enough. Of course
    I love them but my existence still feels
    Like a burden and waste. I guess I am
    Selfish. Selfish for expecting my love
    For other souls to keep me anchored to
    This world. It is not there job to do that.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Poppygirl, depression and feeling suicidal can make us feel/think or things like "I am burden". Children tend to love their moms and dads, so I'd bet that your children want you around.

    Have you seen a doc/therapist to rule out physical causes for your low mood? Doc might suggest some meds to help you as well as refer you for counselling, so you can resolve your thoughts and find other ways to cope. If you are reaching the end of your current ability to cope, a visit to the doc might be worth the effort.

    Keep posting here. We will offer you whatever support we can. :hug; Stay strong and safe.
  3. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    People don't often know how to respond to someone, especially a loved one, telling them that they want to die. Your husband probably felt hurt that you don't love him and the kids enough to live - but it's not that simple. These things rarely are. If living for someone was so easy, very few people would want to die but it's not enough and all it does it end up making you resent them for putting you through that hell, even though they never asked you to - and worse, they never noticed that you are suffering for them. The guilt for thinking badly about the very loved ones that you're supposed to be living for can compound the problem. You need (and I say this only as a suggestion) to find a way to live for yourself. Wanting to die doesn't make you any more selfish than anyone else. It just means that there's something wrong.