I am sick of all of it. I want to die and end the pain.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jeff Something, Sep 13, 2016.

  1. Jeff Something

    Jeff Something New Member

    Well, I wrote the first thing that came to mind in my opening statement, and this is the way that I have been feeling for some time now. Every day I become more and more depressed and I am exhausted all the time. I am sick of living with failure, everything I do ending up going nowhere. Every night I go to bed and hope I do not wake up. I am in my mid-forties and I look back at my life and see nothing. The only reason I do not kill myself is because I do not know what will happen next. I am not a religious person, but if there really is a hell then I do not want to fry for eternity, which would actually be worse than the way things are now, which is hard to imagine. Everything sucks. I am an actor that has gotten nowhere. I am currently in a show in Las Vegas and I do not even care. My agents must think that I am a virus because I never hear from them. I have had eleven books published, and despite all of my marketing efforts my sales are a joke. As of this month I have given up writing because I am tired of setting myself up for more disappointment. I do not even bother with women because I am an absolute loser. Most of the people I know have something to live for, thriving careers that are taking them higher and higher while I watch and feel even worse because everything I have tried to do has gone nowhere. I am also depressed because of the world around me. The stock market is tanking, the government is once again threatening to get rid of social security, and we are currently faced with the worst election in history because both candidates are clowns and the world is just falling apart, all of this while I am becoming older and more obsolete. None of the things I do bring me joy anymore. I want to die and just end all of it. What's the point? Life is just a series of failures no matter what I do and I would rather just die than letting it keep getting worse. I keep hoping that I will get <mod edit - methods> or I don't care as long as it ends and I don't have to keep waking up to the pain of another day. God, if you do exist and truly care about us and what we are feeling, then please kill me now. Let me go to sleep tonight and never wake up.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2016
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome Jeff. Glad you found the forum. I, too, hope that when I go to bed each night, I will not wake up. But I do. I find our world to be a rather horrid place for the most part. And the idea of choosing either a liar of a jackass for president is particularly disturbing. But there is nothing I can do to change the government, or stop the market from tanking. What I can do is to try and change one little teeny corner of this world for the better. I can do that by volunteering at an animal shelter, helping to serve the homeless on Thanksgiving, take care of my yard and home, clean up the litter that everyone throws by the side of the street. Or even just open a door for someone, smile at them, and wish them a great day. You would be surprised at how nice that can make someone feel. I guess what I am suggesting is that you should try a worry a bit less about the big picture and see what little things you can change. Thats really all we can do. Change the little things. But changing little things can really help to brighten a persons day.
     
  3. Special-Agent-Gibbs

    Special-Agent-Gibbs Safety and Support SF Pro SF Supporter

    I am sorry that you are struggling so much. I know what its like to just want to die..... Its not easy to go through with support I cant imagine what you are going through feeling that you are alone.... I want you to know that we are here for you. You are always welcome to message me on here because I know what you are going through! :hug: Please do not end your life - Life is worth living! Perhaps seeking professional help could be good for you because you seem like you are really hurting.

    Whatever you choose please know that I am here for you.

    Stay safe,
    Special-Agent-Gibbs
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You will see what you want to see in the world around you. The fact is you have attwemtoped to make a career out of very very difficult things- acting/writing where far more than 99% fail- they are the "arts" and the "starving artist/actor/writer/artist" is a cliche- people that choose to do it choose for passion, not for money and fame (unless delusional) and it is clear you have lost your passion for doing it so I can easily see why you are feeling so low. So far as the rest of the world- Stock market is down in last 5 days- or it is up over 2000 points since January- would be pretty narrow view to say it is crashing when up that much in last year, social security argument has been going on for last 30 years- is nothing new or different this time- the media loves the story because it gets a lot of viewers bothered so they read and watch more to sell more soap and deoderant for the advertisers, politics are always a joke- anybody that will spend 200 million trying for a job that pays 400k/ year clearly has some real issues to begin with and in the end nothing actually changes dramatically regardless- never has in the past , will not this time either....if nothing else you can depend on the government for inaction and gridlock that at least serves to keep extremist views from coming to fruition on either side....

    Stop worrying about the world- you nor I can change it and if we could we would be the worst thing for the world because NOBODY should be able to dictate how the other 7.5 billion peopel on earth live- not even you or I because not all of the other 7.5B want the same things you or I do and that does not make them wrong either- Live and let live- and in the process look at your life-

    If you do not want to write books anymore then what do you want to do or perhaps more importantly what can you do that is not going to frustrate you as much? You are not a failure for writing 11 books that did not make you rich, you should be proud have written that many and shared that much with so many- I am sorry you were not rewarded with fame and money- but it is not for any of us to determine what the masses should read or watch - out opinions should not supersede everybody else's free choice- and even if it is just impossibility to compete with the giant publishing houses now- the real issue has not changed in as long as books have been printed and sold- we cannot control the choices of others. So if you get no joy from writing books or acting what can you do that will not leave you so frustrated? What is it that you actually are striving for in your career choice? Is nothing but fame and riches going to make you "a success"? IN both fields you have already topped 95% of the would be - you are actually working in some capacity and actually published books - thta is pretty impressive on both accounts so clearly you are in no way a failure... Your success in such a difficult field actually shows your tremendous potential to succeed in most any other you might choose. If you truly do not want to choose another, then just remember why you are writing and acting - and if the only goal was fame and money then I am very sorry- it must be hard to to have goals that require the adulation of millions as the only beacons of success.... If you write and act because you love to do those things then continue to do them for the love of the doing and not letting material things ruin the arts....