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I am sick of all of it. I want to die. Life is nothing but pain.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jeff Something, Sep 13, 2016.

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  1. Jeff Something

    Jeff Something New Member

    Well, I wrote the first thing that came to mind in my opening statement, and this is the way that I have been feeling for some time now. Every day I become more and more depressed and I am exhausted all the time. I am sick of living with failure, everything I do ending up going nowhere. Every night I go to bed and hope I do not wake up. I am in my mid-forties and I look back at my life and see nothing. The only reason I do not kill myself is because I do not know what will happen next. I am not a religious person, but if there really is a hell then I do not want to fry for eternity, which would actually be worse than the way things are now, which is hard to imagine. Everything sucks. I am an actor that has gotten nowhere. I am currently in a show in Las Vegas and I do not even care. My agents must think that I am a virus because I never hear from them. I have had eleven books published, and despite all of my marketing efforts my sales are a joke. As of this month I have given up writing because I am tired of setting myself up for more disappointment. I do not even bother with women because I am an absolute loser. Most of the people I know have something to live for, thriving careers that are taking them higher and higher while I watch and feel even worse because everything I have tried to do has gone nowhere. I am also depressed because of the world around me. The stock market is tanking, the government is once again threatening to get rid of social security, and we are currently faced with the worst election in history because both candidates are clowns and the world is just falling apart, all of this while I am becoming older and more obsolete. None of the things I do bring me joy anymore. I want to die and just end all of it. What's the point? Life is just a series of failures no matter what I do and I would rather just die than letting it keep getting worse. I keep hoping that I will get <mod edit - methods>or I don't care as long as it ends and I don't have to keep waking up to the pain of another day. God, if you do exist and truly care about us and what we are feeling, then please kill me now. Let me go to sleep tonight and never wake up.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2016
  2. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I'm so sorry to hear that.
    I too wonder what's there afterwards. Like will there be a hell or what will happen.

    I'm sorry to hear about your acting, but it'll get better. You just need to do your best when you're in your act, try and call your agents or get new ones.

    Which genre is your books? And sorry to hear you've given it up, I think you should keep writing and maybe just try a new approach to the stories?

    And what did you usually do? Since maybe you should try something new and see if it'll help.

    I also think you should try and contact your doctor or at least seek professional help.

    WALLY GASKIN Well-Known Member

    Dear Jeff Something,Wally here,I dont think you could have said it better.Your life sounds like a repeat of mine.Im 49,and have lost everything too.Im an agnostic.One reason that I like SF is because,it makes me realize how many people are hurting.I have no one and nothing to show for my life.And everyone I want to talk to is gone.As you said,doing myself in is easy,its the after that I feel uneasy about.Just last night I was thinking that Im done with women.Plus Im getting older,which makes getting women or a job even harder.Life gets harder and harder every year.The only thing I enjoy is sleep,and my fantasty to disappear.sometimes all we can do is listen to each other,but there are a lot of us in the same boat.If you want to chat,feel free.Also,see my story,"depression,loss,failure,suicide thoughts" in this "help me,need to talk to someone" forum. See ya.
  4. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hi Jeff, welcome to SF it's a good place to vent and get some of the feelings out instead of holding them inside. I can't argue with anything you say, the world is a mess and I believe many people feel like you do, but hide behind the expected social mask. I had to turn off the news and detach from social media awhile back. It just depressed me more than I already was. I figured all I could do was try and make a difference to those around me, like Ghandi said "be the change that you want to see" ........so I gave it a try, I just help wherever I can, I try and help here on the site, I help the local animal rescue, just anything that gets my mind off of the crap out there. I don't have the power to change the world but I can make it better for those around me, that's about all I can do. I'm sorry you're feeling so down, I'm 64 and retired because of work injuries and depression, so I kind of live in pain everyday. I know how discouraging life can be.
    Sounds like you've done some impressive things I'd love to have accomplished, being an author is something that must bring you great personal satisfaction. Anyway, I don't have a lot of answers but just wanted you to know that you're no longer alone, the people on here are compassionate and caring, stick around and make some friends.
    lifetalkz likes this.
  5. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    Jeff Something-my hunch is that you are not going to care much for my input, but here goes. One line you wrote really jumped out at me-something about most of the people you know having great careers that are thriving and someone or something to live for. The implication is that those people never get hurt or screwed over-nothing bad (catastrophic even) ever happens in their lives, they're immune to the frailties that we all must endure in our lives. Obviously, you see where I'm going-I believe that that is a fantasy. There is no perfect job, relationship, home, etc. Happiness and contentment are not stationary goals to strive for-they are transient experiences that come and go in a persons life. Everyone suffers at different times in their lives, and gets humiliated, taken advantage of, stolen from-you name it. There is no getting out of it-what goes up must come down, then go up again, then come down again.

    When you fall down and stay down for a long period of time-it stings and stays with you. It is easy to believe that you have no value in the broad scheme of things-no one gives a shit whether you're alive or dead so why should you? I get it-been there, done it. But you do have the laws of physics on your side-energy can't stop moving if it wants to. There are bad times but there will be good times again too and opportunities that will deliver positive results, not negative ones. I really do believe that if you can keep your wits about you and not believe that you know (beyond a shadow of doubt) why things happen the way that they do in life, good people and good fortune will come back into your life again, not just once but over and over again. But if you cut yourself off and convince yourself that everything is bad and there is no hope you will not see those golden opportunities when they come back into your life.

    I'm very sorry that you have fallen and settled into a rut that is self-defeating but I challenge you to ignore the voices of hopelessness that speak to you in your mind and tell you to give up. I challenge you to open yourself up to the possibility that you're just having enduring a temporary setback right now, but things can be good again and they will be. That's my input-take it or leave it. I wish you the best of luck on the path ahead-LT
    ghostangelcake7 and Brian777 like this.
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