I am slipping further into depression...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gwalchmei, Mar 28, 2012.

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  1. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    Called my boss and told him I wanted to quit. He is giving me two days to think about it.

    Turns out, my ex wife has been cuddling up to me the past year because she knew I would be interviewed for her security clearance for work.

    The moment I put in a good word for her, she basically went back to being mean to me again.

    I guess once again I was fooled. I remember the days when she was sweet, nice, and loyal. What happened?

    How did she get to be such a user of people?

    Just attempted. I backed out midway through. No wonder she left me, considering what I wuss I am.
  2. :hug:
    Ask your wife why is she so mean towards you..? :hug:
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You aren't a wuss, and you don't need her in your life if she treats you like that. Seems like she is using you in a way, and you deserve to have people in your life who truly care about you.
  4. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    i hope you're feeling better right now. you are lucky to have such a compassionate boss like that. as for your wife, probably she isn't meant for you.
    love yourself and take a good care of yourself
    you are the owner of your own life
    *gentle hugs* :hug:
  5. secaxc

    secaxc New Member

    Just start fresh somewhere. Leave all the feelings behind, all the things with your ex-wife behind. Look at all the losers out there who do terrible things to other people... you are worth alot, you are better than you think. Don't give in to feelings like this. Your ex-wife used you, don't give her anymore of your time or thought than you already have.
  6. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    Just attempted again.
    I'm kinda hurt. my head wants me to do this, my heart wants me to do this, but my stupid instincts (and my body) keep getting in the way.
  7. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    I need to die.
  8. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    You need someone to tell you that there is another way gwalchmei and to stick with you while you explore it. You do not need to die, you need to reach out for better things, hun.
  9. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    Where? Where do I go? Where do I turn?
    The last person I turned to after the divorce turned on me, too.
    This loneliness is maddening. I cannot possibly explain how bad this hurts.
    It would have been 10 times better if my ex had walked up to me 6 years ago, put a 9mm between my eyes, and pulled the trigger.
  10. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Well, here for starters, I know it might seem like putting a Bandaid on a broken leg and hoping it will mend, but it might just help a little bit to know that, however insufficient here is, there are people who do care about other peoples' broken hearts, and are willing to reply to all your posts while you write it all down to get it off your chest. I am so sorry that you were divorced, the pain must be indescribable. Have to go now, will be back later today
  11. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi, back... as someone said further up - you are the owner of your own life...... and you can always start again each day by reminding yourself you do have value, even if you cannot have what your heart has lost. If people and things we get attached to decide to leave us, or we lose them, it's an opportunity to appreciate what is true reality on a different level than before. I know language like this is not common in the superficial day-2-day world, but that doesn't mean there is not another world out there worth exploring. It's worth a think, anyway...... I never thought I would recover from the stuff that was in my life 15 years ago.... I had lost all hope, but I was absolutely wrong, just couldn't see it at the time.
  12. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    I appreciate what you are saying. But until I can be a husband again, the pain isn't going to end.
    And I don't think that's ever going to happen.
    This pain is overwhelming. I simply can't think straight.
  13. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Gwalchy - I obviously do not know your circumstances, other than that your divorce was most unwelcome and unwanted. I'm sorry for you it happened that way. Do you want to talk about it more, or do your best to forget it? You've been in pain for - 6 years? I'm sorry.......... but I do know that hearts can mend, even if you can't believe it just now. I never thought I would recover from my "loss" because of the ties that were there which were invisible but so strong - however, over time they have healed, and this came about by insight. And through insight, self-awareness, and through self-awareness, an appreciation of (*other stuff*) which is really what sustains, heals and motivates. I know this might sound a little whacky, but the pain I went through beforehand was (in hindsight, now) a small price to pay (now that it's been integrated).

    Writing this to send you hope, not to belittle your pain or circumstances that are real to you.
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