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I am so alone..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by d3m2111, Nov 29, 2013.

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  1. d3m2111

    d3m2111 Member

    People celebrate birthdays coz they are glad that you have been blessed with another year. In my case, people will be hapoier if I am gone, coz I know I am a rock tied around their neck. I am unemployed, and all my so called "friends" disappeared too, since I had no money. I have no support group, I have been estranged from my family since I had an extremely abusive mother. I stuck with the first guy that came along hoping to escape that horrible home situation I had, only to realize that this guy had a tyrannical mother as well. So I left him. He never took it well, and has been punishing me ever since. We have a son and ever since I lost the job, he has been treating me like scum. I am 2 months behind the rent, and the landlord has warned of eviction. I tried reaching out to family, but they just sighed you're too old yo be asking help from us.
    Sometimes, I just need someone to listen. Its very painful to keep everything bottled up inside. But when I open up, I feel like im being a burden. So when I'm outside, I wish I get into an accident. I wish to die, and I guess everyone will be relieved.
    Thanks for reading. My birthday is a few weeks away, and I dont have the will to live.
  2. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    I was in your situation a few months ago and wanted to die but there was hope that I could survive. I was out of work for over 6 months and running scared. Keep writing here -this is a wonderful forum and people listen and understand. I understand. Depending on where you live there may be a government agency willing to help. You can pm me anytime - you are not alone.
  3. d3m2111

    d3m2111 Member

    It hurts coz it made me realize that people equate respect with money, a job..I may not be employed but I take care of my son, on very minimal resources, with no support or backing..I do not complain being a mother, or having little materially, coz all these times I spent with my son are the most precious ever. But im only human. I call up "friends" but suddenly, since im penniless and cant afford to meet up with them, they're not interested. Family? Naah. Mine's the most dysfunctional. I am hanging by a very thin thread, the pain in my heart is too much it literally makes breathing difficult. So I just want to stop breathing for the pain to go away
  4. wyngedbyste

    wyngedbyste Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you're doing a good job taking care of your son and that you're proud of yourself for that. Good for you!

    I was in the same situation as you...friends gone, family gone....no job, no money, no self respect. It hurt. I wanted the pain to go away. I tried to take my own life and failed. But I learned something. Acceptance. I accepted that a friend who left was not much of a friend. And that my family sucked, but mine wasn't the only one. There was nothing I could do about it. Every now and again, it hurts. But then I tell myself "it just is." Sometimes it's minute by minute of acceptance. It helps me hang on.

    Your son needs you. Please take things minute by minute and stay alive for him.

  5. d3m2111

    d3m2111 Member

    Your kind words soothe me, Byste. But you see, when my ex found out that I may soon be evicted from thr apartment, he took my son. Instead of extending a helping hand, he took the only source of my joy. The pain in my heart was so much, I had to bang my chest repeatedly.
    Im alone, hungry, riddled with anxiety....so I guess now's a good time to die
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