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I am so alone

Discussion in 'Later in Life and Seniors' started by Ivy100, Jan 5, 2018.

  1. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

    There is no one left that I can turn to. I have a wonderful son but he has his own problems and can't tolerate my sadness. The very few social contacts that I have would be gone for good if they felt that I was needy. I have to play upbeat to have even occasional company.

    Sometimes it makes me panicky - I told my long time shrink that I was at the end of my rope and he suggested referring me to someone else -in other words he is dumping me.

    When I am with people and in circumstances with a little garden variety happiness, I am fine. What can an old woman do? I had a career, a life, but that is over. People are there but their lives are already full, particularly when they are couples. I try to volunteer but no one wants me around. My age makes them uncomforrable and sometimes they assume I am tech-incomptetent. I am patronized or treated with elaborate politeness. It's awful, makes the sense of isolation worse.

    I am not acutely suicidal because I am not impulsive and because I hold on to crazy shreds of irrational hope. Nut I think of dying all the time.
    lonelyfool likes this.
  2. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    Good evening Ivy. Are you the same ivy that was just in the chat room?

    I got confused and had to leave, they type too fast for me!!

    I'm so sorry youre feeling the way you are. I'm afraid i'm not the best person on here for advice, but I've got a kind ear if you want to talk some more.

    I've just tried volunteering myself, but it takes time to train over here. My mum volunteers talking to vulnerable people. I hope you get the oppurtunity, she loves it.

    I'm glad you have turned to this community for help, i've only been a member for a couple days but what a wonderful family it is!

    And hey, we all definitly want you around.
  3. Kolisar

    Kolisar SF Supporter

    Hi @Ivy100 , I am sorry that you are struggling. I am sorry you think of dying all the time, I certainly understand that. I do as well.

    The good news is that you have us now. We will listen. We will be supportive. And we will not patronize you. You are part of our community. We are here for you.

    Feel free to send me a private message if you would like to talk. And, please, keep a firm grip on the "crazy shreds of irrational hope". That has worked for me so far, and if you drop some I will gladly share the few I have managed to hold on to.
    Karmitkurmit likes this.
  4. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

  5. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Supporter

    Hey Ivy, How you getting on?
  6. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

    Much better, thanks so much .I have beern trying to figure out how to reply to you and msybe sent topo many messages
  7. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    I am old too @Ivy100 . Also alone. Don't want to do much of anything. No energy. No drive. My age makes people uncomfortable too. I read BOOKS. Real paper books. People think I am nuts. When I am with the younger generations, I don't feel that I belong. Death cannot come soon enough. My older brother has cancer and is fighting for his life. He loves life. He never married either. Did have a daughter and she is married with 4 kids. I think that may be what keeps him going. It is hard getting old. But I hope we can do it with at least a bit of grace.
    lonelyfool, Dawn and texaskitty like this.
  8. Dawn

    Dawn Well-Known Member

    Hi Ivy, just want to extend a warm welcome to u. Really sorry that things are so difficult. U are so right that if u don't have ppl that really, truly care for u, u have to act upbeat and like everything is okay or they will probably run. It is so exhausting to have to do that. And ppl are so busy these days, so it is very hard to make new friends. Ppl don't seem to want anyone or anything else in their life, unfortunately. So it is really tough when we don't have ppl already close to us.

    This place has helped me tremendously and I hope so much it helps u too. Take care
    texaskitty and Petal like this.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Ivy welcome to the forums, I am glad you joined, you have a lot to offer this forum, there are many ''seniors'' on this forum that you could get to know and relate to. I just wish you the best and please know you are not alone in how you are feeling.

    May I ask what your hobbies are and if they help you feel more upbeat even for a little while?

    Welcome again :) I hope you make friends here and find people you can relate to.
  10. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

    Hi Petal, Thanks so much for your message. I don't know if I have hobbies exactly, besides reading & TV, but I still do a little writing professionally (not much snce thee fall) and I go to gym classes that are a little social. One of them is with 4 other women I have known around the locker room for 10+ years and it is really the highlight of my week because of the cameraderie and the Pilates. They do help for a while, I suspect my expectations need to be scaled back to keep the moods at bay.
    Thanks again - Linda
  11. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome Ivy! You certainly aren't alone. I am 58 soon to be 59 and have no one basically either. I am apparently poison to real life relationships. Anyway you have found a good place here, and there are people your age and station of life that you can relate to. Sometimes it seems its just young people, but thats not so. I am disabled and home all the time, and just yesterday I took a knitting class, which I struggled with due to cognitive difficulties (meds being the cause of said difficulties), but succeeded. Find something that you enjoy besides the TV and it will help I think. I've been known to use adult coloring books as a stress reliever and that really works too.

    Keep posting Ivy and let us know how you are doing.

    Big hugs, Angie
    Dawn likes this.
  12. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

    Thanks Adele. You are a brave lady.
  13. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

  14. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

    Whoops - I can't believe that I called you Adele. I meant Angie, of course. I know someone named Adele and I think you reminded me of her.
  15. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

  16. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

    just saw this. Thank you - you are very kind.
  17. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

  18. Ivy100

    Ivy100 SF Supporter

    thank you - sorry to be so late checking and responding. Hope you are feeling a bit better. I feel a lot like you.
  19. MarkahMalady

    MarkahMalady Well-Known Member

    Hey Ivy :)
    It's possible that your shrink thinks that another professional would perhaps be better equipped to help you out. Not necessarily trying to 'dump' you, but get you the help that you need (and deserve) Which might help you out, by the way, if you're not feeling better with your current guy.
    I have to fake a sunny disposition to keep from scaring people off too. It is tiresome, I feel you so much in this. :/
    Feel free to vent it around here though, we're glad to commiserate on occasion.
    Kolisar likes this.
  20. Kolisar

    Kolisar SF Supporter

    I have to agree with @MarkahMalady .

    @Ivy100 I hope you are well.