There is no one left that I can turn to. I have a wonderful son but he has his own problems and can't tolerate my sadness. The very few social contacts that I have would be gone for good if they felt that I was needy. I have to play upbeat to have even occasional company. Sometimes it makes me panicky - I told my long time shrink that I was at the end of my rope and he suggested referring me to someone else -in other words he is dumping me. When I am with people and in circumstances with a little garden variety happiness, I am fine. What can an old woman do? I had a career, a life, but that is over. People are there but their lives are already full, particularly when they are couples. I try to volunteer but no one wants me around. My age makes them uncomforrable and sometimes they assume I am tech-incomptetent. I am patronized or treated with elaborate politeness. It's awful, makes the sense of isolation worse. I am not acutely suicidal because I am not impulsive and because I hold on to crazy shreds of irrational hope. Nut I think of dying all the time.