I am so done with all of this bullshit. I know it's wrong to hate myself. To feel this much self loathing. I know it's wrong to think about how much I want to tear myself open with a blade. I know it's wrong to think about how easy it would be to kill myself. I am so fed up of this shit. I know it's hard to deal with me. You are my best friend. When I tell you I've hurt myself again and you act angry with me and say 'well it's your fault what did you do that for' it doesn't help. It doesn't make me want to stop. It makes me want to do it more because it makes me feel like a failure. It make me feel like I have failed everyone around me and myself. It makes me feel worthless. All I want you to do is just sit there and let me vent. You don't even have to listen. Just let me rant about shit. If I've hurt myself and I tell you don't be fucking angry with me for doing it. I didn't do it to you. I might have hurt you but you are hurting me. I'm so fucking fragile right now. The pills won't make me stop hurting myself. The pills just make me feel dead. Combined with you making me feel like a failure everytime you get pissed because I've hurt myself again and at least I'm telling someone I've done it. I think I'll just stop telling you anything. Because you really don't care. I am so done with this. I try so fucking hard but because I'm having the worst week of my life I can't handle it and I just want my best friend to be there for me.