I am so done with my life.

[Bambi]

I have had it. I always suspected that I would kill myself but I just never thought that it would end like this....feeling so useless and as if my whole existence has amounted to nothing. I guess I imagined I would just get tired of fighting instead leaving behind a shambles of a life, nothing to show for my efforts and having my family know how I feel but just ignoring me and pretending as if I don't exist.
Like an idiot I canceled my date two days ago but well I am here again only the mess is even bigger.
How did this happen is all I can think....

 

[ZombiePringle]

:hug: I'm here for you if you need to talk. Just try to keep fighting on and hope that things will get better for you. I'll do everything I can to help you through this.

 

[killtomorrow]

know how you feel man,i have to force my mother to listen to me and she shuts me out like a bitch..


[email protected]
if you ever want to talk

 

[Bambi]

Thanks guys but I don't really know what to say...I guess I am starting to accept that my folks have no intention of coming to visit me and supporting me, I am sort of in shock as I see there was this part of me that kept thinking they will appreciate how much pain I am in and will want to help..they will think I am worth it and not let me be alone, they will want to be near me.. I mean fuck I see one you guys in pain and I wish I was there ...just to a least show you that I will be with you and that you do not have to do it alone....I thought I ran them off but I have looked at it from all sides and today was the final straw....the truth just came crashing down...
I have be blind because I wanted to believe..

b

 

[killtomorrow]

you are so sweet.
do you have any friends you can talk to?

 

[ZombiePringle]

B, I know how it is to not have parents supporting you. My dad has never even really been a part of my life. You just need to give it more time and they'll either come around and realize that they need to be there for you or you will grow to accept that they aren't there. I know the second one isn't so good but you have to do what you need to do to make you happy. You're an amazing person and deserve happiness. And I hope you just keep fighting on... if not for yourself then could you do it for everybody here? you're a very important person on SF and have helped many. you would be greatly missed if you give up that fight.

 

[Bambi]

not a one....i moved here two years ago and never had chance to make friends and i am shy....

 

[killtomorrow]

where you livin?

 

[Bambi]

i live in california i moved away for 9 years and then moved back..hard for me to make friends and now i am such a mess that it shows even when i go to the market ..just how I carry myself. I dont know why i don't just do it ..it is right in front of me and i just look at it and cry...i see no future for me..i have proven that alone my life is getting worse....i don't understand what has happened let alone a way out...i just have this feeling that i need somebody to help me.. not a relationship just a human that cares...i have been so alone for 9 months now and it is getting worse...it was always about ending the pain..now is is because I see no hope..
I am not sure why I am posting guys I am sorry as there are others that need help out there... I just dont know what I am doing here right now....my cat knows something is up she is clawing at me and climbing on me and she never does that...funny how they know...i love animals so much..fuck I am rambling..sorry

 

[killtomorrow]

dude you are just as important as anyone els on this site, and taking your own life takes serious balls.


I think animals hate me,mine run away when i even cry.

 

[Bambi]

Dude I have got balls....let me tell you that is for damn sure.

I don't know what is holding me back because I don't think it is a lack of courage, my method is so painless and I am not afraid of death....life scares the crap out of me!

Animals do love you I bet... they usually run from me too so was surpised at my cats behavior...prolly just hungry .

Oh not only do I have balls I also have boobs!

I sent you a PM too.

What kind of pets do you have?

Love ya B

 

[killtomorrow]

you have hope...

Ive been living with a rottweiler for about 5 years now and im still afraid of her,shes a mean little bitch and i have a cat who attacks me for no reason.
you?

 

[Bambi]

Hope went out the door about two months ago and has not been back since..hope for what? and please don't say that tomorrow it could be different...not to be rude but thatwas the shit I was saying to myself 9 to 7 months ago...my brain jumps in and says no evidence of hope... that is nice of you to suggest it but if you can see something I don't I am open...
rotties are scary have ya thought about trading dogs??
I may have two cats that need a home real soon??

 

[Godsdrummer]

Hey INO,

Yes....there is hope. And you know what.....unless you can predict the future, you really don't know what tomorrow can bring!

 

[confuzzle]

Hey B, we are all here for you.
Remember, I am just a phone call away, you know.
We love you B, and you have made a tremendous impact on peoples lives, least of all, mine. Don't throw that away. I'm not saying that you should live for others, because that will come crashing down once they are no longer there. What I am saying though is that you have an amazing presence to you that really shines through to us.

Your life has so much, even if you are going through a rough spot. PM or IM me, and I'll respond you know.

Thinkin about you, and :hug:

 

[hellohello]

it's awful feeling so alone... being alone is the the worst feeling... but you don't have to be... can you get some therapy, i see a therapist three times a week and it just makes me feel so much safer and more secure... in fact at one point she went away for a couple of weeks and things just began to fall apart, things went wrong at work and i really began to feel as though i couldn't trust anyone, but as soon as she came back, i began to relax and feel much better, even talking to people again, just feel less persecuted.....
i really recommend getting a therapist if you can, if your parents won't listen to you, maybe at least they can pay for your therapy....
please try it... it can make the biggest difference in the world to how you perceive things...
best of luck... i hopeyou are already feeling better... thinking of youxxxx

 

[Aurora Gory Alice]

B,
You have always been so good to me on here, giving great advice and positive comments to me in times of need, so I'm going to say to you now - don't give up hun! It sucks having to fight but you can do it, you can be a fighter. You just need the right gloves.
My parents are the same - I think they want to believe that nothing is happening with me and close their eyes as to how I am, which isn't helping anybody.
I know they love me in their own way as I'm sure yours do but they just don't seem to know how to help us or how to be there, as they should.
I realise I wanted my Mum to be my saving grace and then I realised she couldn't be because she doesn't know how to be.
If I was in Cali I'd come give you a big hug, and if ever you need a friend (even if it's just over the phone or on msn) I'm always here!
Linds xx

 

[total eclipse]

I am so sorry you are having a rough time I wish i lived near you i would come over but know i am here and i care. Your parents are not thinking clear i wish they could see the compassionate caring person you are. I wish they could see how much you want them to care. Is there anyway you can write them and let them know how your feeling ask them to come see you Be upfront with them and say god i need you here just for awhile please care. They are blind for some reason but i am sure they care they just are not able to show it for some reason. We care for you here and i hope you know that i will be there anytime you need to talk please reach out to us here as you have reach out to so many Take care you are so special.

 

[Bambi]

Thank you all for your replies and support, you guys are great! I am at a loss for words right now, feeling better but just go another big blow and am just real raw and numb.
It is nice to know that I have friends, it has been so long since I felt like I mattered or that what I have to offer is anything anybody would want.
Thanks again I just got dealt a blow and like I said am in shock...

 

[total eclipse]

When your ready and can talk about it and want to talk about it we are here for you. Please remember that we all care. You have been here for all of us and are so important. Whatever this blow is i hope we can help you through it take care and PM me anytime