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I am so down. And feel hopeless

Jsinjin

SF Supporter
#1
I am a person who hates having to stand up and fight against someone. Example, if I ask someone for help andnthey say "I really can't do it" I accept that isntantly. I will never under any circumstances push, argue, ask for their supervisor or try to convince them otherwise. I don't want to have to do that. Period. I have this company that I helped start many years ago. I was the principal scientist and I left that works behind and developed a new career. The patents and products were bought by a private equity group and the new owners bug me night and day. I try to keep boundaries but fighting is exhausting. I don't like having to say no over and over and over again. I don't like having meetings that last forever with them explaining the benefits of me working for them.

But thisnis my whole life. Other people seem to depend on me for jobs and agreeing to help and other stuff. They always need help with things that they should be able to do without me.

I know this sounds rambling and shouldn't be depressing but it's constant. In my real job I work 60 plus hour weeks and lead a large team and I like the role and the company. It is stressful but in a good work kind of way.

I feel like I am a person with some sort of sign that says "if I say no, it means you should keep trying because maybe I'll eventually say yes".

People are like this with so many things; going to lunch, meeting, 1:1's at work with my employees. I had a boss once who said, "you're responsible for synthesizing something with high molecular weight that has certain characteristics and I'll expect a report on it and update in January". This was June and it was the only time I spoke to that boss for 6 months and it was the most glorious and productive time I've ever had. No one ever misses a 1:1 meeting with me. When my supervisor says "can we skip meeting this week" I jump for joy. My team members clamor for my attention and time.

I just get so down. I dont like everyone depending on me and it never ends.
 

Sad Elf

Well-Known Member
#2
Hi,

Sounds like people are taking advantage of your good nature. I am not a very forceful person myself so not sure I have any helpful advise. It sounds tiring and I guess stops you getting your own work done as people constantly want your attention.

Do you have any peers at work that might be able to help ?

Elf
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#3
I can relate to this all too well...the saying of yes to too many people when I should instead formulate a response that is a no but in a tactful and effective way. Perhaps writing down what people are asking of you and then writing down the response which you really want to give and trying it out slowly at first on "safe" situations/people if that makes sense?
 
#4
I can relate to this. Although I really admire you for being in a job. I am unemployable! Your mental health is important. Having any supportive collegues will help. Managers dont tend to have supportive co workers though, do they? they need to be impartial. How about a meditation that I read about and The Mind Valley group endorse, its part of the silva method. Only do this while resting you visualize on a tele the worst day and invest all your worst feelings into it, push it to the left I think, then revisualize yourself having a better day. Perhaps you could see a councillor or find someone who could give you help on assertiveness. I have just realized through your story, that assertiveness can get mixed up with an aggressive assertion. When I was younger I was creative and using this kind of aggresive assertion came very easily to me. I blew everything up. When later in life this was played on me directly, I completely split off from it and also rejected creative projects.Thats because the experience of it felt negative when it was used as a bullying tactic in my own life. I no longer had the same respect for this expression of anger. It sucessfully repressed me. Positively i'd used its exertion for positive justice or discovering the truth. I'm not saying that this kind of negative contracting therapy wasnt effective, It was. Sometimes I have to be shut up. I am too open and demonstrative, but like you, I began to feel that all forms of assertion were negative . Can you use quiet assertion in a polite way ? rather than being forced to hit them all with belts?
Can you tell them how this is making you feel ? Are there any other vocational ops if it gets too bad. Good luck and I think you are awesome in doing the job you do and coping with this. I can't cope at all working, so well done you!!!. Each day when you feel low think of things you have done and seen that make you feel gratitude. Thank anything and everything a cup of tea the sun shining. A new coat, a bath, a shower, a walk . It helps you cope and takes you out of lack with the negative stuff going on and will build up your contentment quotient.
 

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