I don’t know what my decisions are leading me to. May you please explain something to me? Explain to me my decisions. What draws me to do such things. Such impulsive, daring things I know I musn’t do. The constant need for physical “connections” with people. Day after day, giving myself to a person I am aware shall never truly care or want anything with me. The longing for a toxin to enter my body, and temporarily relieve me of my pain. The infliction of pain onto myself to act reminders, punishment, happiness, and escape. The avoidance of sustenance and nutrients from my body to prove to myself i have power, yet also to please others. Why must I destroy myself? I do not have control. I have needs. I feed and feed these needs, even if I know it is killing me. Even when i am unaware of my actions. This is happening, and i am scared. One day, an accident shall happen, when i go to far. When my mind begins to wander, and my heart starts to race. Where the moment is right and i will break. I will break more than I already have; right now, i am nothing more than a cracked vase. Still here, still functioning… but not completely whole. But one day, this vase will smash, and the glass with spread across the floor… I am truly scared.