I am trying so hard to fight these thoughts but I think they may just be winning. I really can't take this anymore. I lost my job last week, I loved it to. I finally found something I liked then they just tell me the day before the weekend we no longer need you. So now I am jobless and I feel like its all on my husband to make up for the income until I get another job. I feel like my mom hates me sometimes, whenever I ask what's wrong she says nothing and gives me a dirty look. My kids haven't been listening the past few weeks and I seriously wonder if they would even notice if I was gone. I know they would but I just feel like they wouldn't care. We were supposed to go to a party last night and our friend messaged my husband and said don't bother because he didn't answer fast enough. Yet he doesn't know what we are going through right now. Then my "best friend" posts something on fb which was about what I mentioned to her last night then when I confront her she says to get over myself ya not about me. She also told me if I wasn't going last night to fuck off and stop pissing her off. Some friend. I honestly feel so alone. Nobody knows how I am feeling. I can't stop cutting my thighs (only place I can hide) when I get upset. I told my husband I had to go for a drive to clear my head so I drove to the lake because it is usually what clears my head. But honesty, it is making me feel more suicidal. Like I should just jump in and be taken away by the current. I'm really contemplating suicide or calling the crisis line or just going right to the hospital. I am so sick of feeling this way.