I am so fucked up

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Sep 28, 2010.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I hate feeling...i dont even know what I am feeling, i just know it hurts like hell and I want it to stop. I just keep crying, and wanting to hurt myself and feel like I have nowhere to turn because I feel like such a baby about feeling so fucked up. Everything is overwhelming, just getting it together long enough to type this, to shower, to eat, to do anything halfway normal is an enormous undertaking, it is so painful to exist in this tormented state, I would be better off dead, i should go, maybe its the only way to make it stop?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    depression does that been there so many times only way out is to do something different take care of you now do things you want look after you only okay okay to cry it helps okay to get mad too them try something kind for you take care
  3. emilymdh

    emilymdh Member

    i used to feel EXACTLY the same way. and let me tell you, you're not alone. i have depression, and for a long time i felt as if i were crazy or fucked up. but i'm not. and you arent either. you are just going through a really rough time right now. you should try talking to someone you trust, such as a friend or a therapist about your problems. thats what i did and it really helped me. and if you want to, you can always talk to me no matter what. i understand what its like, and it is okay that youre feeling this way. & no matter how much you think dying is the only way out, it isnt. it is a permanent solution for a temorary problem, and like i said before, you are not alone. please do not give up hope. this WILL get better. maybe soon, but maybe not for a while. but it WILL get better eventually. you just need to keep fighting. people care about you and love you. and if you ever need anyone to talk to, im here. =)
  4. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    How do you or anyone know that they will be better off dead? What if it gets worse. So please don't harm yourself. Try to open up and talk in an empty room. Pour out all your feelings. It will calm you.
  5. kote

    kote Account Closed

    ive been where you are!!! i hear what you are saying!!!
    ive spent most of the last 3 years in bed as just the simple things in life we too much to cope with.
    but i learnt not to push myself so much and accept the sickness and all the pathways it attacks you.
    i had to accept that i was better off in bed than being dead. ive been so close to suicide so many times, but for the sake of everyone else ive release control of my life to them and stay in bed most of the time. i do have a few hours a day where im able to move and sometimes even a whole day.
    for me it was all about letting go of the daily things and doing things when i could manage them - some time i get manic energy levels and do loads of stuff in one day and then the day after im drained and spend a week in bed. not washing or shaving or answering the door or phone.
    its taken a lot for those around me to accept whats wrong with me, but they do, they really have no choice as i never know when i will be drained. so i can never keep promises or appointments or even the ability to get up.
    so you are not alone. but the most reasuring thing ive felt was the time when it just clicked in my head that i was actually seriously sick and need whatever amount of time to recover.
    i beg you to take things easier, dont push yourself, seek help of family or friends and the drs. stay in bed rather than pushing yourself to a point where things are hard on you. relax into the sickness and see it for what it really is a disablling sickness.
    and no i dont think you are fucked up, i believe with all my heart you are tired, exhausted and trying your best each day. i hope you can drop everything and retreat into recovery and have the time to let your body catch up.
    my thoughts are with you and hope that knowing its ok to be drained and take a step back/out will help in someway.
  6. kote

    kote Account Closed

    how are things going? take it easy, let everything unravel and let things settle.
  7. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    Hi :IrishDoll:

    I hope that you have found some resolve. You keep going.
  8. kote

    kote Account Closed

    annie-crafts i really like your quote. its exactly how i felt when i went through my nervous/mental breakdown. still on the up hill recovery, but at least its going up rather than down this time.

  9. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I can't do anything right, i don't deserve to be her anymore. i am sucking up oxygen for absolutely no purpose. Who am I kidding? I am useless.
  10. kote

    kote Account Closed

    no thats just a momentary status!!! it will pass, i promise!!!

    i felt the same beingjust a weight and a drain on my family, but then what would the scar be that i left behind if i was to die. huge. in a few years maybe i will be 100% again. so it was worth while just staying in bed than ripping a great big wound through everyones hearts. sure i have my days when i feel guilty, but its better than the damage i would leave behind.

    put yourself on a permanent vacation - or at least until you feel you have the energy and coping mechanisms for each day.

    we sometimes hit a wall, but i takes a whole bunch of time to recover.

    just dont push yourself. i have eliminated so many things from my life which makes things seem hard and triggers me. i just made things simple and clean. no more messy schedules or hectic craziness. just relax into the sickness and find your pace again albeit a slower more relaxed one.
  11. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I feel like I am rotting away though, and don't we just throw rotten things away?

    I don't want to hurt anyone, but there really is not anyone around to hurt.:itachi:
  12. johnnyboyc3d

    johnnyboyc3d New Member

    The weird thing is noone's been where you are. NOONE. It's your pain alone. You read the stuff and it may help for a while, but then you have your own reality.
    Maybe start, just start, by choosing a different picture for your profile - a bright blue sky or a cuddly rabbit - I don't know. It's so odd, because the really practical things actually help. Just try it -if it is rubbish, then change it back to black and white.
    Try chipping away with very practical things each minute, each hour, each day. It may take a while, but you will eventually notice small changes and then the momentum will pick up a little bit. It really is strange how this weird thing called life works - don't know who made the rules, but give it a go !
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