I hate feeling...i dont even know what I am feeling, i just know it hurts like hell and I want it to stop. I just keep crying, and wanting to hurt myself and feel like I have nowhere to turn because I feel like such a baby about feeling so fucked up. Everything is overwhelming, just getting it together long enough to type this, to shower, to eat, to do anything halfway normal is an enormous undertaking, it is so painful to exist in this tormented state, I would be better off dead, i should go, maybe its the only way to make it stop?